


The Moments in Between

by magickmoons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Charlie Bradbury/Gilda (mentioned) - Freeform, Codependency, DCJ Big Bang, DCJ Big Bang 2017, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Negative self-image, Suicide Attempt, Threesome - M/M/M, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-31 23:46:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magickmoons/pseuds/magickmoons
Summary: Life was good for Jimmy and Cas Novak. They had successful careers, good friends, and a relationship that, while unconventional and hidden from public view, was almost entirely perfect. And they thought the same was true for their best friend, Dean. A late night phone call makes it startlingly clear that was not the case. After nearly losing Dean to suicide, all three began to reevaluate exactly what they wanted in life – and who they want that life with.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. Just wow. Don't even have a clue what to say here. This has been a long, long road to get this story here. When I first signed up for the bang, I honestly thought I wouldn't even meet the 5,000 word minimum. Ha! This ended up being the story kept going and going and going....
> 
> I want to thank [jhoom](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jhoom/pseuds/jhoom) ([jhoomwrites on tumblr](http://jhoomwrites.tumblr.com/)) for the awesome art! The process of choosing the scene to art, and defining the characters looks for the banner really helped give me insigh into my story. And I couldn't be happier with the result! Please [go give her art some love](http://jhoomwrites.tumblr.com/post/160695139362/the-moments-in-between-story-by-magickmoons-art) :) [Plus, she's writing for this bang also, so watch for that!]
> 
> Also, so much gratitude to [HazelDomain](http://hazeldomain.tumblr.com/) for unceasing and awesome beta work on this. Without her, you would have encountered some truly monumental run-on sentences, some absolutely bizarre WTF?! moments, and a ton of typos. (I'm sure some are still here -- I was literally revising this up until tonight!)
> 
> Thanks also to the mods for this Bang. What an awesome idea, and I am truly thrilled to be a part of it. You guys rock!!
> 
> Regarding warnings: A central theme to this story is a suicide attempt, and learning to deal with the mental health issues surrounding that, learning to recover and heal and trust. If you want any more specific information before reading this, feel free to contact me on [my tumblr](http://magickmoons.tumblr.com/ask). 
> 
> I will be without internet connection for a good portion of this week, but I will do my best to respond to comments/questions as quickly as possible.

Jimmy wanted to beg and plead, wanted to bless and curse his beautiful Cassie who was doing such wonderful things to him. He wanted to, but he was so far beyond the ability to speak that all he could produce was a groaned, "Caaaahhhh," a long drawn-out sound, echoing the tremors of pleasure building throughout his body. His brother rolled his hips, driving in deeper, teasingly dragging his cock across Jimmy's prostate and away and back again, as he wrapped Jimmy in a hazy fog of arousal and need.

He had lost track of how long they'd been at this -- minutes? hours? probably not the whole night. He cracked one eye open to verify that it was indeed still dark. It was a rare free night for both of them, and Cas had decided to make it special. Jimmy had had his brother's mouth, his hands, his cock everywhere on and in his body, as Cas had taken him to the edge repeatedly, but never over. It was wonderful and exhausting and frustrating.

He trusted Cassie implicitly, but they were approaching his body's limit. But feeling Cassie's panted, uneven breaths on his shoulder, his arms quivering with tension and fatigue, Jimmy thought this might be the one. With his last reserve of energy, he pushed back against Cas and gasped out another groan of pleasure when Cas readjusted their positions to get a hand on his cock, hand moving along the shaft rapidly, hard and tight just how Jimmy liked it.

"Brother," Cassie's voice, dry and rough, shivered along Jimmy's skin. Teeth nipped at the nape of his neck. "Jimmy, come for me," he whispered urgently, as he pushed in one last time, his body locked tight and trembling.

The feel of Cassie's come filling him gave Jimmy the final push, and his voice combined with his brother's, an ecstatic echo through the room. Cas gentled his touch till just his fingertips traced patterns on Jimmy's cock, teasing out the last ripples of orgasm. He lowered himself gently, maintaining most of his weight on his arms while he rested his chest against Jimmy's back, burrowing his face against his neck.

"God, I love you, Jimmy," he murmured, kissing the words into Jimmy's skin.

Jimmy tiredly reached back and squeezed Cas's hip. It would be another few minutes before his words returned to him. Cas's hand found his and twined their fingers together. They lay in contented silence for a few minutes, Cas lazily kissing along Jimmy's shoulders and neck. Finally, with a sigh, and a disgruntled huff from Jimmy, he pulled out. He bent over Jimmy and covered his pout with a quick kiss.

"Was comfy," Jimmy complained.

"I'm just gonna clean us up, and then we'll get all comfy again."

Jimmy grunted his acquiescence and let Cas go clean up in the bathroom. He brought back a warm cloth which felt heavenly cleaning lube and sweat and come from Jimmy's skin. Jimmy hissed when Cas gently ran his fingers around his overly sensitive hole, checking for damage. Satisfied, Cas dropped the cloth to the floor and slid down beside his brother, spooning him tightly.

"Are you okay, Jimmy? We were kind of rough tonight."

Jimmy angled his head around enough to capture Cas's lips in a brief kiss before dropping his head back to the pillow.

"It was perfect, Cassie."

He groaned when Castiel's phone rang, a tinny version of _Ramble On_ alerting them that it was Dean calling.

"Leave it."

"It's Dean," Cas explained. He stretched to reach his phone on the far night table, maintaining as much contact with Jimmy as he could.

"Yeah, well, he didn't want to hang out earlier. Ain't gonna happen in the middle of the night."

Despite Jimmy's petulance at Dean blowing them off earlier, they were obviously going to answer the phone. Dean Winchester was the Novak twins' best friend. For the past several years, they'd been nearly inseparable, doing everything together.

Well, maybe not _everything_ , he thought as he tilted his face up from the pillow to watch his brother's muscled torso flex in the dim light. Not that Jimmy would mind opening their friendship up to more. He was pretty sure that Castiel would be into it too. Dean may have been Jimmy's friend first, but his connection with Cassie was just as strong.

Cas managed to grab the phone and settled back against Jimmy again. Jimmy, starting to feel his second wave of energy, tangled his hands with Castiel's to make it more difficult to answer.

Cas batted his hand away, laughing in spite of himself. He brushed a quick kiss across Jimmy's lips before answering.

"Hello, Dean."

Jimmy made another grab for the phone, and Castiel pushed himself up to sitting to get the phone out of Jimmy's reach. "Dean?" he repeated. Jimmy settled for lazily running his fingers along his brother's spine.

"Dean? Are you there?" Castiel's brow furrowed in consternation.

Jimmy looked up questioningly, and Castiel shrugged down at him.

"Butt dial?" Jimmy suggested, rolling over to rest his head on Castiel's thigh. Cassie should just hang up, he thought, and let them get back to the afterglow.

Cas put the phone on speaker and held it between them. They could hear soft sounds of movement, some uneven breaths. Jimmy glared at the phone. "He'd better not have ditched us for a booty call, and then butt-dialed us during it!"

Cas frowned at him. Jimmy glared back. He did tend to be a little possessive of Dean, and much preferred not to be reminded of their friend's conquests. Cas was right, of course, and it was only fair that Dean get to take advantage of being a hot, single guy, but that didn't make the pit in Jimmy's stomach any warmer when he thought of Dean with others.

Dean still hadn't acknowledged Cas, and he was looking at the phone uncertainly.

"Should I hang up?"

"Well, I definitely don't want to hear it, if he's gettin' all ... !" Jimmy scoffed.

Castiel moved his thumb toward the disconnect button just as Dean's slurred voice came through the speaker.

"Cas?"

"I'm here, Dean."

There was more breathing and the dragging sound of the phone being shifted. Jimmy sat up, exchanging worried looks with Castiel. Something was wrong. He had heard Dean drunk, high, even beaten up once, but this was different.

"Dean, please talk to me."

Dean's voice was strained, shaky, barely above a whisper. "I think I ... I was wrong, Cas. m'sorry."

"What do you mean? What's going on?"

"Sorry, Cas ... you gotta tell Jimmy, Sam, 'kay? Tell 'em, sorry."

"Dean, whatever it is, we can help fix it. Where are you?"

"Cassie?" Jimmy whispered when seconds ticked by with no reply. He looked looked at Cas, who was staring intently at the phone, his brow drown tight in concern. Cas quickly squeezed Jimmy's hand in support.

"Jimmy, grab your phone and call Dean's house phone, please."

He slid off the bed and dug through the pile of clothing abandoned on the floor in their earlier haste. He swallowed thickly as he pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket. Only an hour ago, everything had been perfect. Cas was still speaking calmly, trying to keep Dean focused; Dean's replies were slow in coming and centered mainly along varying versions of 'I'm sorry.’

A few seconds after Jimmy dialed Dean's house, they could hear a faint ringing through Cas's speaker. Cas nodded and spoke softly to Jimmy again. "Call 911. Get an ambulance to Dean's apartment.

"Dean? I'm still here, Dean. Jimmy's here too. You can talk to him in just a minute." He returned his attention to his own phone.

It took some effort, but Jimmy disconnected the call to Dean's place, and dialed 911. He wandered into the living room as the call connected, away from Cas's patient voice, and Dean's labored replies. Everything felt like a dream -- no, like a fucking nightmare. He could see it in Castiel's face, hear it in Dean's voice, knew it in his heart despite the fact that it couldn't be real, but he couldn't bring himself to _say_ it when the dispatch operator asked the nature of the emergency. He just rattled off Dean's address and asked for an ambulance and hung up.

When he returned to the bedroom, Cas had his jeans on, a t-shirt slung over one shoulder as he dug through his sock drawer one-handed, unwilling to put the phone down. Jimmy nodded at him wordlessly.

"Dean, help is on the way. We just need you to hang in there a little longer." He handed the phone to Jimmy and continued dressing.

Jimmy stared at the phone before speaking. Castiel was always better with the crisis situations, exhibiting calm and even planning, where Jimmy just tended to freeze, or go off on the first tangent that presented itself. It was part of what made Cas such a good doctor, and why people didn't call Jimmy in emergencies. Shaking off his paralysis, he started talking to Dean while collecting his clothes from earlier.

"Hey, buddy. It's Jimmy."

"Jimmy." Dean's voice was more breath than sound. "S'cold."

"Yeah. Help's coming, Dean. They're gonna warm you up." He closed his eyes and prayed to a god he hadn't spoken to in years that the ambulance would get there in time. He looked to his brother for reassurance, but Cas's emotionless stare as he pulled on a jacket was chilling rather than comforting.

He took the phone from Jimmy with a quiet admonition. "Get dressed, we're leaving as soon as the EMTs have the situation in hand."

Jimmy robotically pulled on his clothes, listening.

"Tired, Jimmy. I'm so tired."

"You can't go to sleep yet, Dean. Soon, I promise." Cas didn't bother mentioning that they'd traded off the phone again.

Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed, as Cas paced the floor and Dean's words came less and less frequently -- long periods of silence, which Cas broke with nonsensical phrases, trying to elicit any type of response. Jimmy stared at the floor, listening to Cas's voice, counting Dean's breaths, and felt his heart slowly start to crack.

It had been several minutes since Dean had last spoken when they heard a loud bang, followed by heavy, quick footsteps. Two voices started speaking, overlapping and intertwining, as the EMTs assessed Dean's condition, using medical shorthand completely incomprehensible to Jimmy. Suddenly, one of them spoke through the phone.

"Hello? Who's this?"

"This is Dr. Castiel Novak. What can you tell me?"

Activity continued in the background as Cas spoke with the EMT. Jimmy still didn't understand a thing they were saying other than 'overdose' and 'respiratory distress.' He dug his fingers into his thighs, trying to channel the ice-cold terror spiking through his body.

Cas confirmed which hospital they were taking Dean to and then hung up abruptly. Jimmy leapt to his feet, grabbing Cas in a desperate hug. Cas's arms surrounded him, and they clung to each other tightly.

"Dean's gonna be okay, Cassie," Jimmy said helplessly.

Cas shook his head. "I don't understand. How ... "

Jimmy rested his forehead against Cas's, marshalling his strength. "I don't get it, either. But we can worry about that later. Right now, we've gotta go, Cas. Gotta be there for him."

The ride to the hospital was silent, Jimmy focused on the road in front of them, absently counting the alternating patches of light and dark left as the streetlights slid by. They caught each other's eyes now and then, but there wasn't anything to say. He wanted to ask Cas for reassurance, but was terrified of his brother's stark honesty. So he stayed quiet and drove.

About halfway there, Castiel made a startled noise and pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing. "Hello, Sam. Dean is being taken to Lawrence Memorial Hospital." Jimmy could make out the sleepy confusion in Sam's voice, even if he couldn't hear the words. "Sam, please just get there. They will have more information by then."

He rested his phone in his lap after he hung up, staring at it silently.

Jimmy shot a questioning look at his brother. "Was that really necessary? He's gonna be really --"

"The hospital would have had to call him anyway," Castiel said in a tone that invited no questions.

Jimmy pushed down his anxiety and drove.

*****DCJ*****

There was a certain calmness that came over Cas as soon as they entered the hospital. This was his realm, familiar and predictable. Sweeping his gaze across the ER lobby, he headed directly for the Admissions desk where Meg Masters was chatting with the intake nurse. Meg's acerbic personality had garnered her a reputation as difficult to work with, but Cas had always found her to be refreshingly forthright. She looked up as he approached.

"Clarence? You're not working tonight."

"I need the status of Dean Winchester. He would have come in sometime in the last few minutes."

"Winchester, yeah. He's back there. Although, he seems a little old to be one your patients, Doc." She tilted her head as she considered the situation.

"He's a friend, Meg."

Her eyes widened fractionally, and she nodded, all teasing disappearing from her attitude. "I'll let Dr. Roche know you're here, then." That was good news at least. Despite the fact that, outside the hospital, Balthazar Roche was a self-involved hedonist with a bizarre sense of humor, there wasn't another doctor in the area Cas would rank above him when dealing with emergencies.

Meg glanced down at the monitor and called the next patient back, giving Cas a brief, encouraging nod before she left.

With no information immediately forthcoming, they found a slightly less-populated corner of the waiting room and sat. Neither spoke. He tried not to let his thoughts wander back to the shakiness in Dean's voice or the hitch in his breathing. He stared at the door leading to the Patient Care Area, willing it to open and Dean to come walking out, laughing and shaking his head at their paranoid overreaction.

The doors stayed stubbornly shut.

"What's going on, Cassie?"

Cas couldn't suppress his slight jump when Jimmy spoke. He cleared his throat. "We'll have to wait for Balthazar to come talk to us. Or to Sam, I guess, really." For all of Zar's flamboyance, he was insanely fanatical about confidentiality.

"Bullshit," Jimmy hissed. He locked eyes with Cas, scared and angry, and leaned in. "You may not know what's going on right this minute, but you have some idea what happened, otherwise we wouldn't be here. So, just tell me what you know."

Cas sighed. He found it nearly impossible to resist the desperate plea in his brother's voice, but he was terrified and exhausted and uncomfortably confused. "Can we just wait for Sam to get here please? I don't think I can do this twice."

Jimmy started to say something, but stopped and nodded silently. He shifted in his seat so that he was kind of leaning against his brother across the armrest. Cas let himself lean back, taking the modicum of comfort they allowed themselves in public situations like this.

He lost track of time as they sat there. He hated being on this side of the doors, hated feeling useless and ignorant. The last time he'd been sitting in these chairs was almost a year ago, as they had waited with Dean after John Winchester's car accident. They hadn't had to wait long, unfortunately. Dean had accepted the news of his father's death calmly, seamlessly shifting from worried son to responsible big brother/head of the family -- calling Sam, making arrangements for John's burial, offering comfort to those who were grieving.

There was no way that Cas and Jimmy would be able to deal with a similar outcome here with nearly the same equanimity.

Beside him, Jimmy picked at a small tear in his jeans, alternating wrapping bits of thread around his finger until the tip turned purple, and pulling at the threads.

Sam arrived soon after, pushing through the automatic doors as soon as they were cracked wide enough, Jess hot on his heels. Sam looked panicked -- his hair was in a wild disarray, and he was still wearing his pajama pants. He was heading for the desk when Jess saw Cas and Jimmy and detoured Sam over to them with a touch to his elbow.

"Any news?" His eyes darted between the twins.

Cas stood. "Nothing yet. Have a seat, Sam. My friend, Balthazar, is with Dean now. He'll come out front as soon as he can."

Sam sat automatically, Jess taking the next seat over. He looked up at Cas and opened his mouth, closed it again.

Jess put a comforting hand on his knee. "What happened?"

Cas took a deep breath and reluctantly tried to put his thoughts in order, trying to figure out a way to talk to Sam without scaring the hell out of the kid. He looked at Jimmy, who appeared only a shade less confused than Sam -- his purposeful ignorance twinging a flare of anger in Cas.

"Ok," Cas began. "Dean called us earlier tonight..." He stopped, feeling more than a little guilty at his surge of relief when Balthazar entered the waiting area.

Cas quickly made the introductions, and Balthazar led them to a private consultation room. They crowded around a small, rickety table.

"Is my brother ok?" Sam asked before they were even all seated.

Balthazar nodded slowly. "He's resting now. And I believe that, physically, Dean should make a complete recovery."

"What happened?"

Cas shook his head briefly when Zar looked at him. He was more than happy to let his colleague take the lead on this one.

"Your brother was brought in suffering from an apparent overdose. Probably intentional."

"What?" Sam and Jimmy's voices overlapped. Jimmy looked at Cas, eyes pleading with him to argue, to refute the other doctor, but Cas just looked back helplessly.

"Who is John Winchester?" Balthazar asked.

Sam's voice was flat when he answered, preoccupied with processing the information. "Our dad. He, uh, he died about a year ago. An accident."

Balthazar pulled an empty pill bottle out of his pocket and set it on the table. "The EMTs found this on your brother's kitchen table tonight, along with a mostly empty bottle of whisky."

Cas picked up the bottle. "Vicodin," he read aloud. Prescribed to John Winchester. The date indicated that it had been filled just a couple of weeks before his death.

"Why'd Dad have Vicodin?" Sam asked.

"I think it was prescribed after his knee surgery that fall. He didn't mention it to you?" Cas questioned, seeing the blank look on Sam's face.

Sam scoffed. "We weren't really taking much before ... I didn't even come home for Christmas that year."

"I wasn't aware that he was still on the heavy pain pills though."

Sam reached out and took the bottle from Cas. "So, Dean took all of these?"

"Well, there's no telling how many were left in the bottle, but yes, he ingested a significant amount," Balthazar replied.

Cas shook his head. Dammit, Dean. Jimmy's noise of confusion echoed the look on Sam's face.

"Does anyone know how he got the pills?" Balthazar asked.

"Must've been when he cleaned out Dad's apartment. I offered to stay and help. Hell, I offered to take the rest of the semester off; the school would've worked with me. But he... you know..."

"He's Dean," Jimmy finished dully. Under the table, he reached for Cas's hand and held it tightly. Cas squeezed back. Of course, he did it all by himself, just like always. And just like always, they sat back and let him. Cas looked at the pill bottle still clutched in Sam's hand. Dean kept the pills for nearly a year. Did that mean he'd been thinking about this all that time? Or had he taken them until he could figure out how to safely dispose of them, and they had just been handy tonight?

"Okay." Balthazar nodded. "The how is less important right now. What we are worried about is the why. I've asked Pamela Barnes to speak with Dean in the morning. She's one of the best therapists on staff."

Sam sputtered. "No way. You're saying he ... No. Dean wouldn't try to kill himself."

"Sam," Cas interrupted softly. "When Dean called me, he was calling to apologize. He asked me to pass the apology on to you as well. I think we have to admit, it looks like an attempt."

Jess wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders. He looked at Cas, then Jimmy, and when he saw the pain in their expressions, his face crumpled, and he turned to Jess, burying his face in her hair.

Balthazar wisely kept silent until Sam got himself under control. Cas stared at the table, while Jimmy's leg jittered anxiously beneath their clasped hands.

Finally, Sam raised his head, looking impossibly young and frightened, but equally determined.

"So what happens now?" His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "Do you commit him or -- " He shook his head. "I don't know what happens now."

"The typical process in this state is a 72-hour-hold. We'll keep him here, on the psych ward, evaluate him, and create a treatment plan. In most cases, the patient is released after the three days and continues treatment on an outpatient basis."

"Outpatient basis," Jess said. "You mean, therapy?"

"Therapy, possibly medication, exercise, lifestyle changes. Everything's a possibility," Balthazar replied. He looked at the four of them. "Do you have any other questions at the moment?"

Sam shifted in his chair, but didn't say anything. Cas looked at the others who just shrugged. What did one ask in a situation like this?

"I think we're okay for now, Zar. Thank you," Cas offered.

"Okay then." Balthazar stood up. "I'm going to start the ball rolling then. If you'll stay here for a few minutes, someone will be by with some paperwork." He handed a business card to Sam. "If you have any questions at all, feel free to call."

"Thank you." Sam stared at the card as Balthazar left. Once he'd gone, a pall seemed to settle over the room.

"This is ... " Sam began, stopped, then tried again. "You guys really think Dean tried to kill himself?"

Jimmy's fingers tensed where they twined with Cas's. "Yeah, we do," he answered. "Believe me, I'd like nothing more than for Dean to wake up with a perfectly rational explanation, but I don't think that's gonna happen."

"And this'll help him. Right?" Sam looked at them.

Cas nodded carefully. _As long as he wants to be helped._ "We have a good team here. Pamela really is quite skilled."

They all sat silent, as if they had heard Cas's thoughts, and were all weighing the possibility of Dean Winchester actually accepting help.

Sam's fist shook the table, making everyone jump.

"Fuck!" He leaned his elbows on the table, dropping his head heavily into his hands. "Fuck," he repeated, energy suddenly dissipated.

"It's my fault."

Cas and Jimmy's simultaneous "What?" overlapped with Jess's "Oh, baby, no."

Cas continued on. "Sam, what happened tonight wasn't anyone's fault."

Sam groaned and nodded. "Yes, it is. Dean and I had a disagreement earlier. No, we had a fight."

Jess rubbed soft circles on Sam's back and winced with growing comprehension.

"I've been accepted to Columbia Law. Jess and I are moving to New York this summer before fall classes begin. Dean thought that I was back here to stay. When I told him today at lunch, he just ... he got pissed."

Cas could envision it easily. Dean was obsessed with family, and he'd pinned a lot of emotional capital on Sam's return. But Cas had no doubt that, once Dean got used to the idea, he'd be running around town, bragging to anyone who stood still for more than a minute, and scraping together every spare cent to send care packages Sam's way.

"He was being such an ass, yelling and ..." Sam sighed heavily. "I told him he was just like Dad."

"What?" Jimmy's voice was dangerously edged. Cas laid his hand firmly on Jimmy's arm, trying to avoid a dramatic escalation, even as he took a deep breath to try to subdue his own anger. Dean's relationship with his father had been deeply conflicted -- possibly even more so than Dean himself realized -- and to bring that into any discussion was a low blow.

Cas slowly counted out a couple more breaths. Sam's comment was just a case of a little brother who knew exactly how to hit below the belt and make it count. If Dean hadn't overdosed, he and Jimmy probably wouldn't even have heard about it from Dean, the whole thing blown over before they next time they all hung out.

Regardless, Sam's words, no matter how ill advised, did not bear any blame for the night's happenings.

He aimed a quelling look at Jimmy, muscles still raging and tense under Cas's hand, before speaking.

"No one thing caused Dean's actions tonight. Suicide is a symptom of a larger illness. None of us have any idea how long he's been dealing with this, or how bad he's felt. It's likely that we've all made some mistakes, but the enemy here is his illness. We won't help him by taking on guilt that isn't ours."

Sam's teary eyes broke the stalemate, and suddenly they found themselves in an awkward, desperate, four-way hug.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas stared at his bedroom ceiling, the crack in the corner slowly growing more visible as dawn seeped past the curtains. Jimmy snored softly, snugged tightly against him, one arm thrown across Cas's belly. Jimmy's hand gripped Cas's hip tightly; neither had moved since Jimmy had fallen into an exhausted sleep, questions for which they had no answers filling the air around them. Cas couldn't find sleep for himself, though, so he lay there with useless thoughts stampeding around his brain.

How did he miss this?

Of all their friends, Cas was arguably the best equipped to recognize the signs of depression. He had seen it in his patients, in their parents, even in his colleagues. He had advised and referred people to help when appropriate. But somehow he had missed it entirely in his best friend.

He balled his hands into fists, shifting restlessly. Jimmy muttered, annoyed, and resituated himself, tightening his grip. A soft thump in the walls preceded the heater turning back on.

Jimmy's friendship with Dean predated Cas's. The two had just seemed to click from their first meeting at a writing seminar. It had been a longer road for Cas and Dean. When Jimmy had first introduced them, Dean had been put off by Cas's stoic facade, Neither he nor Jimmy realized that it was masking an intense jealousy; the way Jimmy looked at Dean -- the way he talked about him -- had chilled Cas to the core. Sure, Jimmy had dated, even slept with, other people, but Cas had never seen anyone as a legitimate threat to their relationship before.

It hadn't gotten any better when Cas realized that Dean really was just as beautiful, smart, and funny as Jimmy had made him out to be. He could interact with Jimmy on all those levels that Cas couldn't -- popular movies, sports, music. He could go out with Jimmy without both of them having to be constantly aware of what they did or said. He was everything Cas should want for Jimmy.

And Cas was sure that Dean wanted Jimmy -- the way he would sometimes look at him or speak about him. But Dean never made a move, and slowly the icy fear around Cas's heart melted, until one day it was the three of them laughing at one of Dean's stories. And their friendship evolved from there.

And if Cas caught Jimmy watching Dean's ass every now and then, or even if his own gaze strayed too often to Dean's lips, it was just something to think about on lonely nights when Jimmy was away, and Cas's bed was too cold and empty.

Cas's eyes burned with tears and exhaustion. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Their lives had come so close to changing forever tonight.

No. Their lives _had_ changed tonight.

What had he missed?

He lay there, cataloguing their recent interactions with Dean. A stab of guilt accompanied the realization that they really hadn't seen much of him in the past months. Jimmy had mentioned that Dean had bowed out of the last couple of game nights, but hadn't seemed concerned. Their impromptu get-togethers had slowed down -- like tonight, Dean had been 'too busy' to hang out with them. They had accepted it easily, assuming that he was preparing for the demands of the new semester. He knew that Dean was taking an intensive course-load, trying to finish up his Master’s as quickly as possible, as well as teaching and tutoring.

The last time they had seen him in person was a couple of weeks ago, at the party he'd thrown just after New Year's, celebrating Sam's Stanford graduation for all the Kansas crowd that couldn't get to California. Cas grimaced. Even then, they'd barely spoken. Dean had been running around, being the perfect host, never settling anywhere, jumping from conversation to conversation, smiling and laughing, just like always. Just like Dean.

He glared at the ceiling crack. Nothing had made him think twice that night, but looking back, it seemed that Dean had been playing at being himself. Everything had been just a little too ... perfect.

So why hadn't he noticed?

Before that, the three of them had had lunch, but that was weeks before. It had just been a quick meetup between Thanksgiving and Christmas, amid the rush of finals and papers for Dean, squeezing it in before Cas and Jimmy headed home for their obligatory annual holiday appearance.

It had been too long since they'd hung out, they all knew that. Jimmy had even been cooking up a plan to 'kidnap' Dean the next weekend, a quick road trip for his birthday. Just days away. Just the three of them.

Cas didn't even realize he was crying until Jimmy was brushing the tears off his cheeks, drying them with soft kisses.

"It's gonna be ok," he murmured. "We're gonna get him back."

Cas held on to Jimmy tightly, letting his words soothe him to sleep.

He woke to the sounds of Jimmy moving around downstairs. His muscles screamed at him as he sat up; he must not have moved at all once he'd fallen asleep. He stretched and forced himself to his feet. After a quick stop in the bathroom, he made his way downstairs. The aroma of breakfast cooking met him on the stairs, and sure enough, Jimmy was in the kitchen, the radio tuned to the classic rock station. Cas shook his head in fond exasperation; while he had no problem with the music in general, he always found it a bit abrasive first thing in the morning. Jimmy and Dean loved it though, particularly tormenting him with it on weekend trips.

_Dammit, Dean._

Jimmy turned the music down when he saw Cas. He gestured toward the kitchen table, loaded with bacon, eggs, and pancakes already.

"Help yourself."

Cas grabbed a cup of coffee and sat. He picked at the bacon, not particularly hungry. 'Feed a crisis' was more Jimmy's thing -- food, drugs (less often now than when they were younger, thankfully), sex. He dealt with life's bumps by finding pleasure wherever and whenever he could.

"Sit down, Jimmy," Cas requested as Jimmy headed for the refrigerator.

Jimmy swiveled his head between Cas and the fridge. "Yeah, okay ... yeah." He took a seat opposite Cas and began loading a plate.

The next few minutes were occupied by coffee and food. Then Jimmy set his fork down so heavily that it fell off the plate with a clatter, a chunk of pancake still attached.

"What the fuck, Cas? Why did..." He shoved his plate away. "Why?"

"How would I..." Cas stopped himself and took a deep breath. He counted to 10. Across the table, Jimmy waited, used to both his brother's temper and his ways of containing it. Jimmy's eyes were tired, bags underneath pronounced, and Cas wondered if he looked as bad. He shook his head. "I don't know. Like I told Sam last night, I doubt it was any one particular thing."

He stared into his mug as he slowly swirled his coffee. "It's possible even Dean won't be able to say for sure."

"But if we don't know ... If we don't know, how are we gonna help him?"

"Be his friends. Listen if he wants to talk. Don't pressure him."

"You sound like a goddamn textbook, Cas. Dean's our best friend. How can we help him?" He glared at his brother.

Cas reached across the table and grabbed Jimmy's hands, balled into tight fists. "I don't know, Jimmy. But we will." His thumbs gently stroked the tight skin. "We will."

*****DCJ*****

Cas didn't have rounds that day, but after breakfast with Jimmy, he showered and dressed and headed to the hospital. He headed straight to Pamela's office and was at her door before he could rethink his rather half-assed proposal. She looked up and smiled in greeting. "Castiel, come on in."

He shut the door behind himself and took a seat. She closed the case report on her desk and put the folder to the side. "What can I do for you?"

"About Dean Winchester," he began.

"Castiel, I can't talk to you about him."

"I'm not asking to be part of the treatment team. Just treat me as a consulting, keep me in the loop on his condition..." he trailed off as she shook her head.

"I can't do that."

"Pamela, please. It's not like it's unheard of. I'm on staff here. Just think of it as professional courtesy."

She thought for a moment, her expression neutral, then she sat leaned forward, folding her hands on the desk. "Dean has explicitly requested that you not have access to his records. I'm sorry, Castiel, but I have to honor that."

He heard her words, but was having trouble making them make sense in his head. "He ... You know he called me. Last night, when ..." She nodded. "But now ...?"

With a sympathetic smile, she spoke, choosing her words with care. "I know this is difficult, Castiel. For everyone. It's natural to want answers, reassurance. But my responsibility right now is to Dean."

"Of course," he answered blankly. Of course, her responsibility was to Dean; he wouldn't want it any other way. She was the best in the hospital, maybe even the state. But it stung, badly, being shut out of Dean's life. "I understand."

"If you need to talk... well, I'm probably not the right person in this instance, but you could try Tessa."

"No, thank you." Cas stood up and tried to force a smile. "I think I'll be going. Thank you for speaking with me."

"Of course, Castiel."

*****DCJ*****

Jimmy closed his laptop with a disgusted sigh. He'd been writing ever since Cas left for the hospital. The same scene. Three times. Whatever he tried, his lighthearted novel was going to take a decidedly tragic turn if he continued writing.

He was trying to decide if it was worth the effort to get dressed and go for a walk when he heard the front door slamming. He leaned back in his desk chair and waited as Cas stomped up the stairs and down the hall. As he passed the office, Jimmy said, "You know, for being the older twin, you act like such a kid sometimes. What's with the elephant imitation?"

Cas glared through the doorway. "Pamela wouldn't... no, she _couldn't_ tell me anything."

"Yeah, well, you knew that was a possibility."

His brother strode in and all but threw himself onto the couch. He might as well have remained standing, staying stiff as a board, arms crossed tightly across his chest. "Dean specifically said that I couldn't know what was going on."

"Oh."

"Yeah. 'Oh.'"

That didn't make sense. Dean didn't keep secrets from them. Just like they didn't keep anything from Dean ... with one, huge, glaring exception. So, maybe Dean _had_ been keeping something from them.

Neither Novak's mood improved over the remainder of the weekend. And things only got worse when Sam called Sunday night to let them know that Dean was being released late Monday afternoon. Cas had the call on speaker, and he shared a relieved smile with Jimmy at the news.

"Since I'll already be at the hospital, I can bring him home, if you'd like."

"Uh, well..." Sam hedged.

The smile dropped from Cas's face, and Jimmy ran a comforting hand along his arm.

"He doesn't want to see me," Cas guessed.

"Or Jimmy."

Jimmy's stomach clenched. He'd suspected that it wasn't just Cas that Dean was avoiding, but hearing it really sucked.

"I'm sorry," Sam offered. He sounded exhausted, reminding Jimmy of how young he really was. Too young to be trying to deal with this on his own.

Jimmy spoke up. "You know that if you need to talk, or just hang out, you just have to let us know."

"Thanks, Jimmy. I'll keep that in mind."

"If you think he's willing to hear it, please let Dean know that we're thinking about him," Cas added. "And we're here for both of you."

"Will do. I'd better get some rest. I'll keep you updated, though, okay?"

*****DCJ*****

Jimmy didn't even try to pretend it was a coincidence when he showed up at Cas's office the next afternoon.

"Let's go. Sam should be here soon, we could --"

"What, Jimmy? Disrespect Dean's wishes? Impinge on his time with Sam?" Cas moved from behind his desk to close the door. He turned to look at his brother, watching him from where he was perched on the arm of the small couch. Jimmy's eyes were stormy, clouded with pain and hurt and something else. "Are you high right now?"

"I... yeah." Cas rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that shit, bro. It was just a little bit to take the edge off. I can't write right now anyway."

Cas sat on the couch and tugged at Jimmy's arm until he slid down into his lap. Cas wrapped his arms around Jimmy's waist and dropped his head onto his shoulder. Jimmy bent to kiss the soft hair, gently inhaling his brother's scent; for their entire lives, it had been the one thing that could calm him better than drugs or alcohol or sex.

"I just want to see him for myself, Cassie. It doesn't feel real."

"I know, Brother. And we will. But it has to be in Dean's own time. For right now, what he wants, what he needs has to come first." Cas's breath warmed Jimmy's skin through the thin cotton of his t-shirt.

Jimmy shivered.

"Can you get out of here early tonight? I need ..."

Strong hands slipped beneath his shirt, warm against his skin, and soft lips pressed quick kisses across his shoulder and upper chest.

"I have one more appointment in half an hour, but I can leave after that. Do you want me to pick some dinner up on my way home?"

Jimmy didn't want to wait; he begrudged even the time it would take Cas to see his patient. He tilted Cas's head up and kissed him, opened for him, nearly crying when Cas's tongue gently slid against his own. They pulled back after a minute, and Jimmy smiled. "I'll get the food. You just get home, okay?"

*****DCJ*****

Dean was having dinner with Sam, taking a (therapeutically-mandated) break from research and grading, as well as working on 'reconnecting' with Sam (also therapeutically encouraged). Pam had suggested he do something similar with Jimmy and Cas, but Dean wasn't ready to deal their reactions yet. Sam was family -- he had to forgive him. There wasn't a similar safety net with the twins.

"So, Dean," Sam began, pushing the sad, little salad leaves around his bowl with a fork. "I was wondering if I could maybe crash in my old room for a bit?"

"What -- did you and Jess have a fight? Man, I told you to be good to that girl -- "

"No, no, it's nothing like that. It's ... you know we've been staying at Andy's place while he's doing his pot tour of America?"

Dean snorted. "Yeah, What's this -- like the third one?"

"Fourth, I think," Sam answered absently. "The man loves his weed. Anyway, apparently his brother got in some trouble and needs a place to stay, and Andy told him he could stay with us."

A disgusted noise escaped Dean's throat. Andy was fun -- weird, but fun -- whereas Ansem was not someone Dean wanted any member of his family associating with on any type of long-term basis. "Yeah, sure. The room's always yours. You know that. We might have to find a bigger bed if Jess is staying though."

"Nah. She's gonna head home and visit with her parents for a bit, while I look for a place we can rent until I leave for Columbia."

"Good luck with that. Semester's already started."

Sam shrugged. "I'm resourceful."

"Yeah, you are," Dean said slowly. "This isn't about you worrying about me being alone and pffft..." He dragged his thumb across his throat with a macabre grin. Sam blanched.

"Dean!"

"Come on, Sammy. Gotta laugh, right?"

"No, Dean, I really don't. And you don't either."

Dean couldn't meet Sam's eyes. Damn unhealthy coping mechanisms. So much of Dean's life had been either laugh or cry, so he'd laughed and he'd smiled and he'd got on with what needed getting done. Apparently, that method didn't actually deal with any of the feelings underneath. He looked at his brother's pained expression.

"Yeah, okay, you're right." Dean took a breath. "But seriously, Sam, if I call Andy's place next week, is Ansem gonna answer?"

"Yes, God, yes. I wouldn't lie about it." He grimaced. "But, Dean, I can't deny that I'm a little relieved to have the opportunity to be there for you." He held out his hands innocently. "Not because I don't trust you. Just 'cause ... well, I guess I'll feel better when I wake up in the middle of the night and hear your snoring ass in the next room."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Bitch."

"Jerk."

*****DCJ*****

It had been a week. A week. And they still hadn't heard from Dean. Well, Jimmy thought as he picked up his phone, that didn't mean he couldn't call just to check in. He dialed Sam's number; he wasn't stupid enough to risk his brother's wrath by contacting Dean directly. But he really had to hear some reassurance that things going well.

Sam picked up after three rings, and Jimmy managed to make it through a couple of minutes of small talk before Sam took pity on him.

"If you're looking for Dean, he's out right now."

"He's out?"

Sam sighed. "A therapy appointment."

"Therapy ... good. That's good, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, he's on some meds too, and he's doing therapy. They said it will take some time before he really starts to feel better, but he said Dr. Barnes seems pretty happy with his progress. He hasn't called you guys at all, huh?"

"No. Has he said anything to you about it? Why he won't talk to us?"

"Just that he wants a heads-up if I'm going to have either of you over here or anything. I don't get it, but ...." Sam let the sentence trail off. It was the same thing Cas had been saying for a week. It was just that Cas seemed convinced that Dean would let them back in his life eventually. Jimmy was fast losing that hope.

"Yeah, no, we'll do this at Dean's pace," Jimmy agreed with a sigh. "So, how's the job coming?"

Sam started haltingly, but quickly grew enthused as he talked about his internship at a small law firm downtown, which sounded like nothing more than gopher-work to Jimmy. But if the kid was learning something, Jimmy was happy enough to listen. He'd take good news anywhere he could get it.

Sam cut off mid-sentence as Jimmy heard the sound of a door opening through the phone followed by Dean's voice. "Hey Sammy, I got pizza. Get it while it's hot!"

Jimmy drank in the sound of normal, everyday Dean -- so different from his last memory of Dean's voice. He could almost imagine the grin that Dean wore whenever his favorite foods were in play. For an instant as he listened to Dean ask who was on the phone, it felt like before and he half expected for Dean to grab the phone and start talking through a mouthful of pizza, maybe invite them over, maybe just taunt him with highly inappropriate sounds of pleasure as he ate.

Instead, Sam's answer was met with a sudden silence that stretched out as the three of them tried to figure out what to say.

Jimmy broke first, desperate to get off the phone before the swirl of emotions building up in his chest broke through. "Speaking of dinner, I've got something in the oven. Gotta go check it."

"Cool, man. We'll talk ... soon." Sam kept his voice low. Jimmy assumed Dean had left the room.

He disconnected and put his phone down very carefully, his whole body thrumming with pain and loss and frustration and need. He made his way to Cas's home office on autopilot and stood in the doorway. Cas looked up from his computer. He was on his feet and crossing the room immediately.

"Jimmy? What's wrong? Is it...?"

"Yes. No. I was on the phone with Sam, and Dean came home and ..." Jimmy shrugged, only half-aware of the tears that Cas was softly brushing away. "Fuck, it hurts, Cassie."

He surged at Cas, marking him with hard, demanding kisses anywhere he could reach, nearly biting in his desire, panting pleas. "Wanna feel good, Cassie." Fingers quickly unbuttoned his shirt, and Cas's hands were on him, cool palms smoothing over heated flesh. Jimmy's back arched as Cas's fingers zeroed in on his nipples, twisted and pulled, his moans lost in the wet heat of Cas's mouth.

Jimmy yanked Cas's t-shirt over his head, then quickly went to work on his own jeans, pushing his boxers down at the same time. He reached for Cas's jeans, only to find he was already stepping out of them.

"Make me feel it, brother." Jimmy almost sobbed when Cas sank to his knees on the plush carpet and closed his mouth around the head of his cock. One, two, three soft bobs and then he was entirely surrounded by gorgeous soft moist heat, perfect suction, the muscles of Cas's throat working around him, squeezing him. Fingers teased at his hole, and the one remaining rational part of his mind wondered where Cas had found lube, realized they were closer to the couch than he had thought. Oh god, Cassie was starting with two fingers, just a touch of burn, perfect pressure, all the way in, unerringly finding their target, relentlessly building the heat, spreading it through every part of him until he felt he was on fire.

"Caaaa..." he cried as he stiffened, pushed even farther into perfect, tight pressure, and came, scrabbling at Cas's shoulders to steady himself. Cas wrapped his free arm around Jimmy's shaking legs, and he swallowed down his brother's come, humming muffled sounds of pleasure.

Jimmy didn't even wait till he had his breath back, tugging Cas upward almost immediately. "Need you."

Cas slowly pulled back, releasing Jimmy's cock with care and reverence, pulling his fingers out gently. "I've got you, Jimmy. Trust me, brother." He guided Jimmy to the side of the couch, leaning him down to position his chest across the arm, moving Jimmy's arms -- still weak and shaking -- forward to rest on the cushions. With another dollop of lube, he pushed three fingers in, finding Jimmy so relaxed there was almost no resistance. Jimmy pushed back against his fingers with a needy moan.

Quickly lubing up his cock, Cas positioned himself at Jimmy's entrance and pushed in at the same time that Jimmy pushed back. He slid in easily, biting his lip to distract himself from his own orgasm pulsing just beneath the surface. Jimmy's hips were undulating against him, friction and pressure moving along his cock. With a deep breath, he settled his hands at Jimmy's hips, stilling him, before pulling back -- just a little, just a tease -- and pushing in.

"You need more?" Cas asked, continuing his slow, small movements, relishing the sparks of tension and heat that played across his skin, watching the tremors in Jimmy's back as he fought to hold himself still. Jimmy directed his unsatisfied moan into the cushion.

"What was that?" Cas swept one hand up Jimmy's sweaty torso, leaning forward to flick at his nipple.

"Please, Cassie," Jimmy's voice dripped with need, and Cas knew he couldn't push this game any further, not tonight. "Please fuck me."

With a sudden movement, he pulled almost all the way out and snapped his hips back forward. "Anything for you, my brother." His own moans melded with Jimmy's as he let his control break and drilled into him, hard and fast. Jimmy melted against the couch, opened up so beautifully beneath him, just took each thrust and begged for more with breathy moans and cries of ecstasy. It was too good, too perfect to last, and all too soon, Cas was coming deep within Jimmy, his legs burning from exertion, his fingers aching where they were pressed into the flesh of Jimmy's hips, his throat sore from the yell that still echoed in the still air of his office.

They fumbled their way to lay on the couch, tangled together, hands petting any skin in reach, noses brushing and lips meeting without a kiss, just connection and comfort.

*****DCJ*****

Dean stared blankly at the vending machine, letting his mind start to decompress after his session with Pam. Therapy was no joke. He'd only sat down with her a handful of times, and each one had left him feeling more drained than the previous.

Drained, but good. Or if not quite 'good,' at least he believed he had the potential to get there. Hopeful, maybe. He scanned the rows of baked chips and low-sodium snacks looking for something vaguely palatable that would perk him up. Around him, the hushed sounds of hospital life continued on. People walked up and down the hallways with purpose, entered rooms, made notes. Helped and healed and went on with their day.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dean noticed one of those people slowing, stopping. Far enough away that they weren't looking at the vending machines, but close enough that Dean looked up in interest.

Cas stood stock-still, staring at Dean. He was all dressed up in his doctor clothes -- slacks, button-down, tie and lab coat -- which contrasted sharply with the flummoxed look on his face. And his eyes -- that blue that cut right into Dean's heart -- so like Jimmy's, yet so different. Physically identical, their eyes told very different stories.

Dean balled his hands into fists at his side; he felt like a rabbit near a predator, tense and ready to bolt but not sure which way safety lay. Cas's eyes narrowed, and he stepped closer to Dean. Dean automatically backed up, angling himself away from the machines, eyes scoping out the hall beyond. Cas stopped moving and let out a harsh sigh.

Dean had to look away from the obvious disgust on his friend's face. Had he really hoped for something better? He had let Cas down, hurt both him and Jimmy. Then to make it worse, he'd called him, expecting Cas to pulls some miraculous save to clean up Dean's mess.

_He did_ , whispered a soft voice in Dean's head.

He couldn't look at Cas again, wouldn't hang around to hear the disappointment and condemnation in his voice. Didn't want to hear Cas's anger for hurting Jimmy -- Cas was as fiercely protective of Jimmy as Dean was of Sam.

And honestly, he couldn't defend what he had done. Wouldn't insult them by even trying, but he just couldn't take hearing it right now, still off kilter from Pam, open and raw. With a sudden step, he pushed past Cas, ignoring the angry 'Dean!' that followed him down the corridor. He skipped the elevator, not wanting to get caught waiting and took the stairs two and three at a time, not stopping till he was in the relative safety of the Impala and heading home.

*****DCJ*****

Dean let himself into his too-quiet apartment. He thought about turning on the radio or the TV, but lately, he just ended up flipping stations and getting aggravated when nothing grabbed his interest.

_Lack of enjoyment in previously enjoyable activities is a symptom of your depression, Dean._ Pamela's voice echoed in his mind. No shit, Sherlock. Dean scowled. It didn't make the time pass any more quickly just because he knew the reasons why.

He microwaved a frozen burrito to eat with his meds. That done, he settled to the task of figuring out what to do with the rest of the long evening in front of him. He picked up the damn Adult Children of Alcoholics book Pam had recommended. He felt tired just looking at it -- he hated seeing himself in the stories, hated all this shit that was forcing him to reevaluate his entire childhood. He tossed the book back on the end table. Nope, no reading tonight. Between therapy and running into Cas, he was done with self-realization for the day.

He could go out and hit the bars, but one-night stands had lost their magic a long time ago. And interacting with people had become problematic over the past year or so. It had happened so slowly, he hadn't really noticed it. Then one day, it was like there was a sheet of plastic surrounding him, separating him from everyone and everything. About the only exceptions were Sam, Cas, and Jimmy. And lately -- in the weeks leading up to that night -- even they had felt muted, distant. It was a little better now; he could hold an actual conversation with Sam, or his professors or students, but he just wasn't comfortable with random people anymore.

So, staying in alone was unappealing, going out even less so. That left his friends. He'd spent more than enough time with Sam lately; better to let his brother have some breathing room. And he hadn't talked with Cas or Jimmy since that night.

That fucking night.

Dean was more than grateful for Cas's quick response to his call; he literally owed him his life. Pam had been encouraging him to talk to Cas, to thank him. And he knew he should, but how could he? Cas had always been the best of the three of them, the most put together, the one who set his mind to something, and it was a foregone conclusion that he would accomplish it. Dean didn't think he could handle Cas's disappointment. Or worse, the disgust he saw hiding in Cas's eyes earlier.

He slumped forward, resting his elbows on his knees, letting his head bow to gravity. The memory played over and over in his head. Cas's pinched expression, his obvious discomfort, his reticence to even speak to him. And what could he possibly even have to say to him, other than verifying what a waste of time and effort Dean was.

He could feel himself spiralling inward, the disgust he felt from his memory of Castiel spreading to his own self-image. With a shake, he sat up. Pam had been working with him to recognize irrational thoughts and head them off. He grabbed the small notebook from under the ACoA book and opened it. On the first page he'd written 'Depression Lies!!!!'

Okay then.

He flipped to a blank page and started writing objective facts. Questioning his assumptions. Maybe Cas wasn't angry or disgusted. Disappointed, probably, but that could be overcome.

Dean looked at the words quickly filling the page.

He missed his friends. He missed them so much.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas was settled on the couch, sock feet kicked up on the coffee table, medical journal open on his lap, but the words weren't holding his interest. Instead, he kept replaying his earlier encounter with Dean. He'd been so startled to run into him at the hospital -- which was ridiculous because he knew full well that Dean was continuing his appointments with Pamela.

It had been such a relief to see him standing there, whole and healthy; Cas had just wanted to take a moment to feel it. But Dean hadn't even waited for Cas to speak; he'd shut down and run out of there like the hounds of hell were on his heels. With a huff, Cas tossed the journal onto the table. He couldn't figure out what he had done wrong.

As much as Cas had been counseling patience whenever Jimmy expressed frustration with Dean's distance, as much as his academic mind knew that Dean's welfare came first, and that they had to let him deal with his issues in his own time, he felt that frustration just as keenly. Maybe more so, given the added guilt he still felt for not recognizing Dean's distress earlier. Jimmy was rattling around the house somewhere; maybe he should find him and take him out to a movie or dinner. Something, anything to get his mind off Dean.

Before he could stand up, Jimmy shuffled into the living room, staring oddly at the phone in his hand. He looked up briefly to make sure Cas was there before saying, "So, Dean's coming over."

"Here?" Cas asked blankly as his mind struggled to catch up. "Now?"

Jimmy nodded slowly and dropped onto the couch next to Cas. "Here. Now. He just called and asked if it would be okay." He let his head fall onto Cas's shoulder. "He _asked_ , Cassie," he repeated.

Cas couldn't remember the last time Dean had felt he had to ask before coming over. Hell, he had a key to their house. As a matter of course, he'd text or call to give them a heads up before dropping by -- Jimmy had given him some suitably vague explanation about boundaries and privacy issues stemming from growing up in a household of brothers, just to head off Dean walking in on the two of them in flagrante.

He wrapped an arm around his brother and rested his cheek against Jimmy's thick hair. "I know, but this is a good sign." _I think, I hope. Or maybe he's just coming to tell us to stay the hell out of his life._

Sooner than they expected, they heard the rumble of the Impala cut out in front of the house. Dean must have already been on his way when he called. The knock at the door still startled both of them. They both stood, looking at each other uncertainly, but it was Jimmy who pushed through to head to the foyer and answer the door.

"Hey, Dean." Cas winced at the strained casualness in his brother's voice. Dean's reply wasn't loud enough to reach the living room, but the two of them appeared almost immediately. Jimmy already had a slice of pizza in his hand and tossed the pizza box on the table, before throwing himself onto the couch, spreading out with a cocky grin. "He brought pizza!" he added unnecessarily while chewing, his devil-may-care attitude doing little to cover his discomfort.

Dean's nerves were on full display, however, as he hovered in the doorway, eyes not quite meeting Cas's. He shuffled his feet and looked like he was less than a minute away from bolting.

Cas smiled, trying to project calm and welcome. "Dean, it's really good to see you again. Please, have a seat."

Jimmy snorted. "Cassie, you been going to butler school without telling me?"

Cas turned to glare at Jimmy, but stopped when he caught the slight twitch of Dean's lips flirting with an almost-smile, the minute relaxation of his shoulders. He rolled his eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh. "Some of us try to actually provide some comfort for our guests, Jimmy, instead of just inhaling the gifts they bring."

Jimmy looked up guiltily from where he was already pulling a second slice from the box. "Dean's not a guest, he's family. I mean, I don't stand on ceremony for you, oh brother of mine."

Quietly, Dean took a seat on the free end of the couch, his eyes bouncing between the two, a slight smile on his face as he watched them bicker.

"I'll just go get some plates and drinks," Cas offered. "Dean, you want a beer?" The usual question was out of his mouth before Cas could think it through. Dean shifted uncomfortably as he shook his head.

"No thanks. S'posed to avoid alcohol for a bit while my liver ..." He winced. "The, uh ... the pills did a number on it, and I've gotta give it some time to heal."

"Of course. You want some water, then?"

Dean nodded, and Cas was already heading to the kitchen when Jimmy called out, "Water for me too, bro!"

Cas let Jimmy handle Dean's protest as he quickly grabbed plates, napkins, and three glasses of water on a small tray and carried it back to the living room to find the two of them sitting in a tense silence. He set the tray down next to the pizza and took a seat in the armchair just beside Dean's end of the couch. He nudged the pizza box toward Dean.

"Aren't you having any?"

Dean looked at him with panicked eyes. "Y'know, maybe this wasn't a good idea. I just ... " He started to push himself up, then hesitated, settled back into the cushions. "I'll leave, if you'd be more comfortable," he muttered to his lap.

Jimmy sat up and shared a confused glance with Cas. "Why would we want you to leave? We haven't seen you in, like, forever, man."

Dean sat still for a moment, his lips pursed as he played out some internal monologue. Finally, he shrugged. "It seems kind of tense around here, and I feel like I'm the cause."

Jimmy leaned in toward Dean slightly. "Dude, no. Nothing's weird. We're all just ... " he trailed off as Cas and Dean shot him simultaneous looks of exasperation. "Okay, it's a little weird. But it's not your fault, and we don't want you to leave. Please," he added quickly.

His hand hovered inches away from Dean's shoulder, before he clenched his fist and dropped it onto the back of the couch. He looked up at Cas, unsure and pleading, his hesitation to touch Dean more evidence of how off balance they all were. Jimmy had always been the one to read Dean -- read anyone really -- better than Cas.

Dean stared at Jimmy, shaking his head in small, jerky movements. "I don't ... " He looked back toward Cas as well, his face a mask of confusion and, maybe, hope.

Cas shifted under the weight of their combined gazes, trying to think of the right way to approach the conversation. The hopeful light in Dean's eyes began to shutter, quickly giving over to fear.

"Dean, we don't want you to leave. We've missed you."

Dean let out a short huff of breath and looked over at Jimmy for confirmation. He nodded, chucking Dean's shoulder lightly. "Of course we did."

A cocky smirk crossed Dean's face, then disappeared almost immediately. "I, uh ... Yeah. I've missed you guys, too," he half-mumbled.

"So then, why the hell have you been the Invisible Man, dude?" Jimmy asked

"Jimmy!"

"No, Cas, it's a fair question." Dean spoke softly, folding himself back into the couch far enough that he could see both of them, although he looked at neither. "Don't think there's really a simple answer, but mostly ... " He tapped his fingers on his thigh rhythmically as he paused. Cas shot Jimmy a look warning him to shut the hell up and let Dean speak in his own time.

Dean grabbed his glass and took a deep gulp of water. He made a sour face. "After what I did, I ... well, I wasn't sure you'd want me around."

Jimmy's face fell. Cas ached to hold both of them -- to assuage Dean's fear and isolation, Jimmy's feeling of failing his friend. He kept his seat.

Jimmy spoke first, resting his palm on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, all I've wanted for the past few weeks was to see you, talk to you. Just to know you're all right, or getting there, or whatever. You scared the hell out of us, and I still don't know how the hell things got to that point, but there's nothing you could do that would ... "

Jimmy scooched closer to Dean and roughly pulled him into a bear hug -- or as close as he could given that they were both seated -- holding on with all this might. When he spoke, his voice was thick. "You're my best friend. Can't lose you."

Cas stood and gently took Dean's glass, which he was holding at an awkward angle just outside of Jimmy's octopus range. As soon as his hand was free, Dean held on tightly and buried his face in Jimmy's shoulder. Cas placed the glass on the table, then stood beside them, unsure what to do. Jimmy and Dean had always had a much more casually physical friendship than he had shared with Dean. As much as Cas wanted the same comfort, he didn't want to overstep boundaries. He was still weighing the pros and cons when Jimmy's hand grabbed the waistband of his jean and tugged him down toward the couch.

"Get in on this, you bonehead."

There wasn't much room, and Cas found himself half-on/half-off the cushion in the narrow gap between Dean and the arm of the couch. Cautiously, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around the two of them, one hand resting on top of Dean's, the other grabbing Jimmy's arm tightly. Dean's back was warm against his chest, and when Cas leaned his head against Dean's, he could smell him, an interesting combination of Dean's shampoo -- some herbal thing Sam had probably bought -- and the tang of leather and old books.

This is real, he thought. Dean's okay and he's here now and we can get through this. He was surrounded by Dean's scent, now tantalizingly intermingled with Jimmy's, by the sounds of ragged breathing and Jimmy murmuring soothing words. He tightened his hold on the two of them and allowed himself to get lost in the sense of rightness.

"I don't remember a lot about that night; it's all pretty blurry after a certain point." Dean's voice was muffled by Jimmy's shoulder. Jimmy and Cas shared an apprehensive look when he spoke.

"Not even sure why I called you guys, but uh ... guess it was a good thing I did, huh? You saved my life." He snorted. "Even though there are days when I still don't really get it ... but I, y'know, thanks," he finished quickly.

Cas and Jimmy both adjusted their hold, surrounding Dean even more fully. He sounded so broken, so unsure, Cas's chest literally ached.

"It _was_ a good thing, Dean," Jimmy said. "How can you even question that?"

Dean tensed and the twins released him simultaneously. He was chewing on his bottom lip as he untwisted to a normal seated position, Cas and Jimmy remaining in their spots on either side, stretching their arms across the back of the couch till their hands brushed against each other. He took a shaky breath and leaned forward on the exhale, resting his arms across his knees. "I guess I've always kinda wondered what you guys -- what anyone sees in me. Didn't realize it wasn't ... Turns out my thinking's been kinda screwed up for a long time." He shrugged and gave a strained chuckle. "I'm working on it."

Cas transferred his anxiety into a tighter grip on Jimmy's arm, remembering his encounter with Dean earlier that day, the way Dean had closed off and run. What had he been thinking then?

Dean lifted his head enough to shoot an entreating look at each of them. "We're good, though? Even after ... "

"Yes, Dean. We're good," Cas answered.

Jimmy leaned forward and rested his forehead against Dean's briefly, nodding. "Always," he whispered before pulling back.

Dean smiled tentatively and let out another slow breath.

Before the ensuing silence could grow awkward, Jimmy suggested a movie, grabbing one off the shelf of mindless entertainment that they'd all seen a thousand times -- no surprises, no thinking required. And for the next couple of hours, they sat quietly, eating pizza and watching the TV. None of them moved from the couch, a tight fit for three six-foot-plus men, but cozy and comforting; at least Jimmy knew it was for him and Cas, and judged by Dean's gradual relaxation and increasing commentary that it was for him as well.

He wasn't sure what to expect when the credits rolled. Usually, Cas would head to bed like the responsible professional he was, and he and Dean would hang out, either picking the movie apart, or discussing the latest book Jimmy was working on, or just shooting the shit. How long had it been since they'd done that -- just randomly talked, letting the conversation flow wherever it went. His chest tightened when he realized how careful Dean had been with him the least few times they hung out, how reserved. And he hadn't noticed.

Suddenly anxious not to let Dean out of his sight, Jimmy turned to the other two with his most charming grin. He clapped his hands together. "So, what's next? Action? Romcom? Simon Pegg?"

Cas checked his watch and sighed. He pushed to his feet with a grimace. "I'm afraid I have to get some sleep. I have an early morning staff meeting." He started collecting the debris from their dinner, but stopped when Dean spoke.

"Cas, Pam told me that you wanted to be ... to have access to my file. It was kind of a dick move for me to say no. I'll call her tomorrow, tell her it's okay." Dean looked up at him hopefully.

Cas set the pile of plates on the table and sat back down, facing Dean. "It wasn't a 'dick move.'" Jimmy and Dean both smirked at Cas's air quotes.

"And it wasn't selfish or whatever else you might be thinking right now, Dean." Dean squinted in confusion, half-shrugging. Cas held his eyes. "Your medical record is personal and private, and I overstepped when I acted as if I had a right to that information just because I'm your friend.

"If you ever want my medical opinion, I will be more than willing to review your information and discuss it with you. But, as your friend, I'd rather you leave it as is, and just share whatever you'd like to directly with me. Or not, if you don't want to."

Jimmy shot an approving smile at his brother. Sometimes, Cas's single-mindedness had him running roughshod over anyone and anything in his way. And sometimes, like this time, he really got it right. He made a mental note to set his phone alarm for crack of dawn, so he could reward Cas with his patented 'You're an awesome guy' wake-up blowjob.

Dean drew in a deep breath. "Yeah, okay," he agreed softly. "Thanks, man."

Cas watched Dean for a few seconds with a soft smile before nodding and resuming tidying up. "Good night, guys."

Dean looked at Jimmy. "You heading up too?"

Jimmy made a face. "Please. And lose my night-owl credit?"

Dean laughed. "So, another movie then?"

"You pick. I'll pop," he replied with a grin, hurrying into the kitchen. He threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and then slid over to the sink where Cas was rinsing the plates. He pressed up against Cas's back, brushing his lips across the nape of his neck.

Cas turned off the water and turned around, meeting Jimmy's lips with his own in a soft kiss, neither willing to push it beyond cursory comfort with Dean in the next room. "He's doing good, right?" Cas asked when he pulled back.

Jimmy nodded. "Yeah. I think so. Different, but good. I think."

"Yeah." Another short kiss. "Good night, brother."

The second movie easily segued into critique which led to discussion of the latest research Dean had compiled for his thesis. And for a while, it was like old times. They were having such a good time that Jimmy tried to ignore the increasing number of yawns Dean was failing to suppress, but finally broke down. "Dude, you're exhausted. And, don't tell anyone, but I'm heading that way myself."

Dean's attempt at a protest was interrupted by another yawn. He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Jimmy laughed at Dean's disgruntled expression. "If you're too tired, you could always just stay here," he offered. Some little voice in his head added _in my bed_ , and Jimmy honestly wasn't sure if that desire was sexual or protective in nature. Both, it was probably both.

For a second, Dean's eyes lit up, but it was gone almost before Jimmy noted it. "Nah, my apartment's not that far. I'll be fine."

"Wouldn't be a problem. We actually have a guest room and everything. It would be cool to use it for once."

Dean bit his lip, wavering. Jimmy thought that he was about to say yes when he shook his head, standing up. Jimmy followed suit. He walked Dean to the door and watched him pull his leather coat on.

Before he opened the door, Jimmy pulled Dean into a tight hug. "If you ever want to talk -- about that night, or how you're feeling, or anything -- you can talk to me."

Dean's arms tightened briefly around him. "Okay." He pulled back and looked at Jimmy seriously. "Okay," he repeated, then yawned again. "But for now, I'm going to go get some sleep. It's been pointed out to me that four hours a night may have gotten me through my 20s, but ..." With a shrug, he crossed the porch and headed to his car.

Jimmy stood in the doorway until he saw the Impala's light disappear down the street. Then he headed upstairs with a confusing mixture of relief, trepidation, desire, and exhaustion flowing through him. He got ready for bed by rote, his mind still fixated on Dean. Barely remembering to set his alarm, he climbed into bed and snuggled up to Cas, chuckling at the sleepy, annoyed rumble his brother made when his cold skin invaded the warm cocoon Cas had created.

*****DCJ*****

Dean looked up from his research notes currently spread out over the kitchen table when Sam entered the apartment. Sam smiled hello as he loosened his tie and eased down into a chair with a groan. "I am so glad this week is over."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Hey, you're the one who wants to be a lawyer. I don't think it's gonna get any easier."

"Maybe once I get an actual job, and it's not just, 'Make 50 copies of this and grab coffee for everyone on your way back.'" Sam rolled his shoulders. "Once I feel like I'm doing something useful."

Dean sat back and stretched his arms. "They'll figure out what a genius you are soon enough." He shook his head. "You'll still have to wear the damn suit though."

"I can live with that." Sam looked as if he were going to speak, then shifted his eyes.

"What?" Dean asked.

Sam looked back at him guiltily. "It's nothing important. I was just wondering if you were going to Jimmy's tonight."

"Hadn't planned on it." Dean indicated the notebooks in front of him. "Why?"

"Just, you've been spending a lot of time there the past couple of weeks, and I kinda thought you might be out tonight. But it doesn't matter."

A half-remembered conversation over coffee the other morning came back to Dean. He snapped his fingers. "And Jess is flying in for the weekend."

Sam blushed slightly and got the goofy look he did whenever anybody mentioned her name. "Yeah. But it's cool. We can all hang out."

Dean laughed and started gathering up his books. "Yeah, we can all hang out tomorrow after you get all the haven't-seen-you-in-over-a-month sex out of the way. And I would really rather not be here for that, thank you very much."

"No, Dean. We're not going to kick you out of your own home." Sam rested a hand on one of Dean's notebooks. Dean slid the book out with a smirk.

"You're not. This is me being an awesome big brother."

"Dean."

He stopped and looked up at the strained tone in Sam's voice. Sam was looking at him anxiously.

"You're not doing that thing, right?"

Dean shook his head, honestly not sure what the hell his brother was talking about.

"That thing Dr. Barnes was talking about, where you pretend to be okay with something, or even convince yourself that you really are okay with it, and deep down, you're not?"

He held back his automatic denial. Putting Sam's needs and happiness first had been drilled into him for so long that it was his default inclination. It was only through his conversations with Pam that he had begun to recognize that years of ignoring what he wanted had left him feeling empty; he barely even knew what his own desires were in any given situation. He had to retrain himself to think through these decisions, giving his own needs equal weight. Or in some cases, more. Sam was an adult now, too.

This one though, this was an easy decision. He'd been looking for an excuse to head over to the twins' place anyway. He loved Sam, he really did, but there was a certain strain between them -- evidenced by the worried look on Sam's face -- as they tried to reestablish their relationship under healthier parameters. Things were just easier at Cas and Jimmy's. If he wanted to talk, they talked; if he wanted to stay quiet, they went about their business surrounding him with comforting sounds and smiles. Dean felt happy there.

He'd just been there so often lately, and even though they repeatedly said he was welcome, he still worried about imposing. But if he had an actual reason to need to be out of the apartment ...

He grinned and resumed packing. "Nope. I think this one works." He dumped his books into his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He shot a quick text to Jimmy and Cas letting them know he was coming over. "But thanks for checking."

Sam's smile was relieved, as Dean clapped him on the shoulder on his way to the front door. Dean turned around after he grabbed his jacket and keys. "Just try to get all the crazy monkey lovin' done with before I get home, kay?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Jerk."

"Bitch," Dean returned with a wink.

*****DCJ*****

Cas greeted Dean at the door with a wide grin when he arrived. He was still dressed from the office, the barest hint of 5 o'clock shadow dusting his jaw (as opposed to Jimmy, who could walk away from shaving with a two-day growth).

"Jimmy's at some dinner with his publisher tonight, so it's just us. I've already got a ragu on the stove, if you haven't eaten. It should be ready in a few minutes."

Dean's stomach rumbled at the mention of food. "Yeah, I could eat. Been stuck in research mode all day. Not entirely sure I ate lunch."

Cas shot him a concerned look, and Dean held up his study bag in response. "Really, just lost track of time. Actually, I was hoping to continue working over here; had to vacate the apartment for a while 'cause Jess is in for the weekend, but I've really hit a groove today."

Cas took the bag from Dean and set it by the closet. "That's fine. I was planning to work tonight anyway. You can set up anywhere you want, after you eat."

Dean followed Cas to the kitchen, and the rich, meaty aroma of the stew made his mouth water. "I ain't gonna fight you on that."

As Cas finished the food up, Dean quickly set the small kitchen table. He demolished his first bowl in minutes, as he realized exactly how hungry he was. Cas chuckled and continued eating at a more reasonable pace while Dean got up to grab seconds. He looked back at Cas defensively. "What? It's good! Take the compliment, man."

They talked as they ate, keeping mostly to casual topics, but Cas couldn't help evaluating Dean. They hadn't had much time alone together since Dean's overdose, and Cas was heartened to see that Dean seemed to be genuinely comfortable as they talked. He was perhaps a little more subdued overall, but his laughter seemed genuine and his smiles were reflected in his eyes.

Before they cleaned up, Cas spoke. "Dean, I know that we ... well, that your friendship with Jimmy is really the reason we even met. And many would probably say we don't have a lot in common." Dean put his fork down and stared at Cas with concern. This was why Cas usually left the socializing to Jimmy. He was messing this up, and he hastened to finish before Dean's thoughts went too far down an incorrect path.

"I want you to know that I count you among my best friends, that I care about you very much. And the thought of losing you was terrifying. If there's anything I can do, I am always here for you."

Dean blinked. His fingers tapped against the side of his bowl as he spoke. "Thanks, Cas. I guess I always thought ... " He shrugged. "It's nice to hear that. And man, you and Jimmy both have been really helpful, just even letting me hang out here when it's too much at home." He stopped suddenly, eyes darting guiltily toward Cas and then away.

Cas hesitated, not wanting to overstep, but unwilling to let it lie. It seemed like for too long, they had been allowing Dean to avoid and bury and think that no one wanted to hear what was really going on with him. "Are things not going well with Sam?"

Dean heaved himself up and started collecting their dishes, talking as he moved to the sink to start washing them. "They're fine, really. It's just, he's my little brother and I did this thing and now, he's scared and he doesn't know how to act and he just .... I mean, we've sat down with Pam together a couple of time, but so much of the time, he's walking on eggshells like one wrong move and I'm gonna ... And I can't blame him, but it's just too much sometimes, y'know?"

He turned the water off and pivoted, resting his hip against the counter. His eyes met Cas's, waiting for judgment, hoping for absolution. Cas was struck by Dean's utter vulnerability -- a word he had never associated with Dean before. How often had his responsibility to comfort Sam in the face of an emotionally absent father led him to push down his own desires for security and support? How many times had he hidden his own needs and uncertainties from all of them, instead projecting the brash, cocky man they'd all come to expect?

Cas nodded. "It's difficult for both of you right now, but it sounds like you're doing the right things. Working together with Pamela, taking time for yourself when you need it. You are always welcome here if you need to get away, even if we're not here. You still have your key, right?"

Dean nodded slowly. A small smile lit his face. "Thanks. I, uh, might take you up on that." He took a half-step back toward the table then stopped and turned back to the dishes. "I'm gonna finish these up and then I thought I'd set up in Jimmy's office, if that's okay. Just knock out a couple more hours of writing and then I'll get out of your hair."

"You are welcome to be in my hair as much as you want." Cas stumbled over the words a bit when a sudden image of Dean's hands tangling in Cas's hair flashed through his mind. Shaking his head, he continued, "I'll be downstairs in my office, if you need me." He fled to the familiar refuge of his office as soon as Dean nodded his understanding.

*****DCJ*****

Jimmy had gotten texts from both Cas and Dean during the dinner that would not end, so he wasn't too surprised to find Dean in his office when he got home. He was a little surprised to find Dean sound asleep, slumped forward with his cheek smushed against an open book, his hand still loosely holding a pen, a line of ink trailing off the word he'd been attempting to write. Jimmy squinted at it, but couldn't make any sense of the last few lines Dean had written -- apparently he'd fallen asleep before his body quit writing. He slipped the pen away from Dean's fingers and crouched down next to him.

"Dean," he whispered, resting a hand on his knee. "We've gotta get you to bed, dude."

Dean blinked his eyes open slowly and let out a soft groan as he started to move. He looked at Jimmy as he sat up. "I fell asleep."

Jimmy nodded. "Yep. And now I'm going to get you upstairs and you can continue sleeping in a real bed."

"Nah, man, I'll just head home." He started patting his pockets for his keys.

Laughing, Jimmy grabbed Dean's hands and carefully tugged him upright. "Nope. Not tonight. I am not letting you drive like this." As he spoke, he was already leading Dean down the hall toward the guest room.

Dean moved to pitch forward onto the bed, but Jimmy caught him. "Take the jeans off at least." Dean looked down in surprise and started fumbling at his belt. Jimmy bit back an offer to help, instead grabbing his phone and pulling up his contacts list. "Yeah, I'll just text Sam so he knows not to expect you."

"Probably better this way," Dean mumbled, stepping out of his jeans and kicking them toward the wall. He dropped his flannel on top. Jimmy looked up just in time to see Dean pulling his t-shirt over his head. He allowed himself one brief second to appreciate the rare view of Dean's torso, before he typed out the message to Sam.

"Better why?" he asked as he typed. "Because of Jess?"

Dean slid under the covers of the queen-sized guest bed, and Jimmy decided it was safe enough to look back up. Dean shrugged. "Yeah, that too, I guess." He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

Jimmy walked around to the other side of the bed and seated himself on top of the covers, leaning back against the headboard. "Wanna talk about it?"

"You sound like your brother." He sighed. "It's not a _thing_ , it's just a thing, 'kay?"

Jimmy smiled down at him. "I think you're losing your words."

Dean snaked a hand out from under the covers to push at Jimmy. "Smartass." He twisted to his side, propping his head on his arm. Jimmy slid down a bit, so they had something resembling eye contact, without pushing too far into lying in bed together territory. Dean gave Jimmy a brief synopsis of what he'd told Cas earlier.

"I don't know. Pam says we're co-dependent and we've got to redefine our relationship in a healthier way. She said it'll be easier when Sammy leaves for New York; I can work on myself without worrying about him, and then we can reconnect as y'know, healthy people or something."

"Sounds like a plan."

Dean half-nodded. "Eh, I guess. I'm trusting her on this. I mean, Sam's been ... everything for me, y'know? There's times where I just don't know who I am if I'm not doing something to take care of him ... take care of someone." Dean snuggled down into this pillow, his eyes closing. "But lately, there's times where I just want him to get the fuck away, so I can figure out who I am without him constantly mothering me."

Silence followed as Jimmy watched Dean's body slowly relax back into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

It didn't escape their notice that Dean began spending the night with increasing frequency after that. And that whenever they tried to ask about how things were going with Sam, Dean would smile and nod and redirect the conversation. For the time being, they were willing to let it go. But when Sam showed up with Dean at the next Game Night -- and they immediately headed to separate tables, both looking stressed and tired -- Jimmy knew he'd have to talk to one of them directly about it.

He waited until Sam headed into the kitchen to grab some more snacks, then followed him in and started helping dump bags of chips into bowls.

"So, how's everything going?" he asked casually.

Sam looked up with a wide grin. "Great. Everything's great." His smile faltered as Jimmy waited, eyebrows raised, and he sighed. "Okay, maybe not great." He set the bag down and faced Jimmy, looking much more like a worried younger brother than the successful pre-law intern he usually presented. He dropped his head forward, his hair obscuring his face, before sweeping it back.

"Is it Dean?" A flash of worry that Dean was in worse shape than he appeared hit Jimmy.

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, kind of. Or really, it's the two of us. Dean's doing all this work to get better, to figure himself out, shit most of us do when we're teenagers, you know?" Jimmy nodded. "And it's working, I think. But ... " he sighed heavily, reaching out and spinning the bowl on the counter in front of him. "Pam says our whole relationship is out of whack, kind of codependent. And it's just crazy when the two of us ... I mean, I worry or he worries, then he gets angry or defensive, and I get more worried. We just keep sniping at each other."

"Dean said as much a couple of weeks ago. Sounds rough."

Sam barked out a dry laugh. "Yeah. I tried looking for an apartment nearby, try to get out of his hair, but still be near enough to ... to know that he's okay. I guess I could head out to New York early, but I kinda need to see him these days, right?"

Jimmy nodded. He knew that feeling well.

"I figure that's why he's spending so much time at your place. Breathing room." Sam picked up two bowls and started walking toward the living room. "We'll figure it out," he said as he walked, not sounding entirely convinced.

*****DCJ*****

"So, I was thinking, why don't we ask Dean to move in here for a bit? Sam can stay at Dean's, and they'll both have some space." Cas and Jimmy were curled up on the couch later that night, when Jimmy finally shared what he'd been thinking for the last few weeks.

"Can't Sam find his own place?"

"Oh, come on, Cassie. You remember what it's like trying to find housing in a college town during the semester! All the students have already grabbed up anything even relatively affordable. But I really think this could help."

Cas thought for a minute. "I don't deny it could be good for Dean, probably Sam too. But, Jimmy, have you thought about what it would mean for us? We wouldn't be able to be ..."

Jimmy pressed a hard kiss against Cas's lips. "Well, yeah. Kind of a pain, not being able to do this," he reached between Cas's legs and let his fingers trail over Cas's balls and up his shaft, "anytime we want. But really, we'd just have to keep it in the bedroom."

Cas pushed up into Jimmy's touch automatically, then groaned. "Yeah, the bedroom. With the one bed."

Jimmy firmed his touch, cupping Cas and squeezing gently, loving the feel of his brother's cock shifting and hardening against his hand. "Dean never goes upstairs. And there is the second bedroom up there." Cas scoffed. Jimmy couldn't blame him, it was a tiny room. They'd only kept it to keep up appearances. The official line was that Cas stayed there, giving Jimmy and his mountains of clothes the bigger room.

"He's not gonna even ask, Cassie. And he needs this."

Jimmy looked at his brother, trying to tamp down his own anxiety. Dean wasn't the only one who needed this.

Cas laid a hand on Jimmy's cheek and looked at him seriously. "Jimmy, do you love Dean?"

"Of course," Jimmy answered with an easy smile.

Cas frowned. "You know what I mean. Are you in love with him?"

Jimmy removed his hand from Cas's penis, momentarily annoyed at his brother for forcing this conversation. But it made sense to put all their cards on the table before proceeding.

He blew out a breath. "I could be. Pretty easily, I think." He watched Cassie carefully, gauging his reaction. Jimmy was pretty sure he'd never hidden the depth of his feelings for Dean from Cas, but they'd never actually verbalized it.

"Dean's pretty easy to love," Cas offered cautiously, watching Jimmy in return. He shrugged sheepishly at Jimmy's dumbfounded look. He cupped Jimmy's jaw and kissed him gently.

Jimmy leaned up into the kiss, softly deepening it, losing himself in the sweep of Cas's tongue, the slight rough of his lips. When he pulled back, he shook his head. "I never knew."

"The potential was there from the first time you introduced us, but I could never make you choose. Or him."

Warmth flooded Jimmy's chest. "I love you, Castiel."

Cas smiled shyly, then looked away. "So, we've agreed that Dean should move in. Now, how do we get him to agree?"

*****DCJ*****

"Move in here? Why?" Dean asked warily, a slight edge to his voice..

The three of them were relaxing in the twins' living room, getting ready to watch a movie. Jimmy took a deep breath.

"Well, we know things are strained with you and Sam. We just thought this might help take some of the pressure off until he finds his own place, or ... leaves for school," Jimmy finished cautiously.

Dean fidgeted where he sat on the couch. "Sam's my brother. I can handle it. Shouldn't have to run from family."

Cas and Jimmy shared a look. They had run from their family as soon as they were able, only returning for obligatory family gatherings once or twice a year. And both Dean and Sam would have been better off to have run from John -- but that was a discussion for another time. Or maybe they could just leave that to Pamela Barnes.

Instead, Jimmy scoffed. "Dude, you're not running from him. Just getting some space. I mean, do you know how many times I've wanted a break from Cas?"

"And vice versa," Cas added dryly. "It doesn't mean we don't love each other, or won't be there if necessary, but we do need time apart occasionally. And with you and Sam -- well, it's been building for a long time. We're just suggesting maybe you give each other some breathing room."

"It's not like you're not over here most of the time anyway. This would just make it a little more official."

Dean chewed on his lower lip. "I wouldn't be crowding you guys? Getting in the way?"

Jimmy and Cas both kept their expressions as neutral as possible. Dean moving in would change a lot for them, and they were more than willing to deal with it. But the slightest sense of hesitation would send Dean running the other way just to make things easier on them.

"It wouldn't be a bother at all, Dean."

He sat quietly for a minute, playing with the remote in his hands. "You'll tell me if that changes?"

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dean, we'll tell you. You want daily check-ins? Should we use the stoplight system?"

Dean shook his head. "Jackass. This is your home. I just don't want to .." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Home's important, man."

 _Yes, it is_ , Jimmy thought. _And this feels even more like home when you're here._ He glanced over at Cas, not entirely surprised to see a similar emotion in his eyes as he watched Dean.

Jimmy had never dared to think that Cas would be interested in Dean as well. Years ago, they had talked about threesomes, but it had stayed strictly theoretical. Cas wasn't really a one-night-stand kind of guy, and there'd never been someone that both of them had wanted to pursue. By the time Dean came into their lives, it hadn't even occurred to Jimmy that it might be option.

But now, knowing that Cas would be on board had resurfaced the idea that this might be something that they could have, or at least try for. Of course, starting something with Dean now was probably not the best of ideas, and who knew if Dean would even want to, but ... His eyes shifted between Dean's soft green and Cas's crystalline blue, and he had to shift a little to compensate for the growing pressure of his jeans, when he noticed they were both looking back at him, not with similar arousal, but rather with slightly concerned humor.

"What?"

"I said yeah, man. Wasn't sure you actually heard me, though. You okay?" Dean studied him closely.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. So yes then? That's great! Just got a little distracted for a minute there," he babbled quickly, trying to ignore Cas's knowing smirk.

"Cool," he finished, grabbing the remote out of Dean's hand and pressing play. "So, when are we moving you in?"

*****DCJ*****

'When' turned out to be the following weekend, with a house full of helpers vastly outnumbering the amount needed to actually move the few boxes of Dean's clothes, books, and personal possessions. The impromptu party stretched late into the evening before everyone called it a night, lamenting that their advanced years no longer allowed partying into the wee hours.

Jimmy and Cas shared a look after saying goodbye to the last guest. They officially had a roommate -- who didn't know about them. The last time they'd been in this situation was when they were still living at home; although the outcome if Dean found out was likely to be a lot better than if their parents ever did. Dean practiced a love and let love philosophy; it might be tense if he found out about them, but Jimmy didn't see him deserting them completely. He hoped.

They headed into the kitchen, where Dean was already loading the last of the dishes into the washer. He turned and smiled.

"I wanted to just say thanks, again. I think this will be a good thing. But I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna hit the hay. See y'all in the morning." With a gentle clap to each of their shoulders, he made his way past and headed down the hall to his bedroom.

Cas slowly exhaled and wrapped his fingers around Jimmy's. "Well, this might be easier than we thought."

*****DCJ*****

Dean made sure he was up first the next morning. It wasn't that hard; as a rule, Jimmy slept through mornings whenever possible, and Cas liked to take advantage of his days off to catch up on his rest. So Dean had more than enough time to start a thank you breakfast. He was finishing up the potatoes when Jimmy stumbled blindly into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of well-worn sleep pants barely clinging to his hips. Despite the smells of bacon and onion and Dean's special seasoning blend for the potatoes, Jimmy zeroed in on ...

"Coffee," he sighed as he poured himself a mug.

Dean was extremely grateful that Jimmy was oblivious to anything other than the drink in his hands, because he couldn't seem to stop staring at his chest, the way his muscles moved as he loosened and rolled his shoulders with a groan, the movement of his throat as he swallowed. Dean's trance was only broken when Jimmy grabbed a plate and starting dishing himself up some food, pushing Dean to the side with his hip to spoon some potatoes straight from the pan.

Refocusing, Dean removed the pan from the heat and served himself. Cas came in just as he joined Jimmy at the table. He was at least wearing a shirt, but he looked just as arousingly rumpled as Jimmy -- maybe more so, because the sight of the normally put-together Cas rocking some serious sex-hair ( _bed-head_ , Dean corrected himself) was seriously fucking with Dean's perception of reality.

Cas looked at the food set out on the counter with a half-smile. "Dean, you didn't have ... "

"Didn't have to make breakfast," Dean finished roughly. "I know. This is a one-time thing. Just a kind of thank you for ... well, everything."

Whatever Cas was about to say was interrupted when Jimmy moaned around a forkful of food. "Don't speak too soon. Dean, this is fantastic. Whenever you want to make breakfast ... oh my god ... " He forked another bite into his mouth, with another moan. Dean gave an embarrassed smile and quickly focused on his food, hoping to hide the heat spreading across his cheeks, not noticing the similar flush on Cas.

Cas and Jimmy insisted that they would do the cleaning up, so Dean retreated as quickly as he could once he'd finished eating, heading for the guest bathroom. _Okay, so living with two guys I'm attracted to? Might be a little harder than I thought,_ he thought as he turned on the shower and stripped down. He chuckled as he looked down at his lonely erection. "Yup, a little harder."

Shaking his head at his own groan-worthy pun, he stepped into the shower, ducking under the warm spray, letting it run over his skin and work its way into his tense muscles. He blew out a slow breath as he slowly started stroking his cock. It was probably rude to fantasize about his hosts while in their house, but there was no way he was going to be able to keep it together if he ignored this, so he let his mind wander, spinning scenarios where he was licking his way down Jimmy's smooth chest, or tugging Cas's hair as they kissed, battling for breath, neither willing to let the other go.

He groaned softly as his orgasm danced tantalizingly out of reach, firming and relaxing his grip as he touched himself. His other hand trailed barely there touches, fingertips brushing over his thighs, his ass, up his torso to tease at his nipples. His panting breath sounded loud in his own ears, and he wondered what the twins would sound like. He imagined Jimmy -- unrestrained in sex as in everything in life -- so vocally responsive, but not with words, driven too far out of his mind to speak. Gasps and grunts, groaning attempts at names trailing away in ecstasy. And Cas -- Dean's breath hitched as he imagined breaking through Cas's stoic facade, pulling reluctant moans from him, till he needed so much, so badly that he begged, words broken and clipped, his slightly deeper voice mixing beautifully with Jimmy's.

He could see them both laid out in front of him, touching each other, preparing each other. As Dean touched and teased, Cas's pleas would overlap with Jimmy's formless moans. "Please, Dean, Jimmy ... aahhh, nngh ..." The tension in their voices building heat in Dean's groin, Jimmy's back arching, the heat of Cas's breath as he cried out for them. "Dean, Jimmy ... Dean, Brother ... need you, need ... "

Dean nearly doubled over at the force of his orgasm, melding with the twins coming in his mind, tangled together, crying out to him, to each other.

The water was cooling by the time his breathing started to return to normal. He quickly washed and turned the water off. Fuck, that had been just about the best self-love session he'd had since ... well, he couldn't remember when. But he hadn't really intended to go there, had always tried to leave the twins their privacy, despite his persistent suspicions regarding the more intimate possibilities of their relationship.

A knock on the door preceded Jimmy's voice. "Hey, dude. If you're almost done, Cas wants to go hit the farmers' market. Wanna come?"

Dean wrapped a towel around his waist and concentrated on keeping his voice normal. "Yeah, sounds great. I'll be ready in 10."

*****DCJ*****

Dean fit into the household seamlessly. He was a considerate roommate, with no more annoying habits than either Cas or Jimmy. They were also happy to see Sam around more often, coming over for dinner about once a week, sometimes with Jess, sometimes on his own. Both Jimmy and Cas were glad to see the brothers starting to find comfortable footing with each other again.

And the impact to Jimmy's time with Cas was minimal. They kept the sex confined to the bedroom when Dean was home. But even when he was there, he was stayed in his room so much that Jimmy and Cas felt free to be physically affectionate a fair amount of the time.

Jimmy was a little surprised by how often Dean retreated from them, or stayed quietly to the side of the action when the twins would tease each other.

"I mean, I'm wasn't expecting Animal House, but doesn't he seem ... different?" he asked Cas one evening as they cuddled under a blanket on the couch. Dean was out with Sam for the evening, and Cas and Jimmy were taking full advantage of the freedom. Cas's shirt hung open from his shoulders, Jimmy's had been recruited into cleanup service and now lay atop the rest of their clothes, haphazardly piled next to the couch.

Cas wiggled into a more comfortable position, then pulled Jimmy against him, wrapping an arm around his chest. The couch was really too small for leisurely afterglow, but Jimmy was too content to suggest moving.

"Remember, Dean's got a lot of work to do. The changes that come with successful therapy aren't easy. That's part of the reason we asked him here, so he could behave how he needs to, without fear of disappointing expectations."

"Yeah," Jimmy agreed. "I just ... was he pretending all this time?"

Cas ran a hand through Jimmy's hair soothingly. "I don't think so. Remember mini-golf last weekend?"

The rumble of Jimmy's laugh made Cas smile. Dean had been at the top of his game that night -- humor-wise, but definitely not golf-wise -- and the three had been laughing so hard by the tenth hole that even Cas had stopped trying to keep an actual score.

"See," Cas added. "He's still the same Dean. Just not all the time. That he feels okay turning it off around us? Jimmy, that's ... that means a lot."

Jimmy thought about it. There were definitely parts of himself that he'd never shared with anyone other than Cas, and more recently Dean. Cas was right; Dean was sharing his recovery with them. He smiled and started to reply when the front door opened. They stared at each other, unable to rearrange themselves into an innocent -- or even slightly less salacious -- picture in the seconds it would take Dean to make his way to the living room. Jimmy swallowed, his eyes wide.

Dean called to them as he hung his coat and got his shoes off. "Hey, I'm back early. Sammy got a call from the office and had to go in. I swear, you'd think they'd pay him more ..." Dean stood silent in the doorway looking at the twins. Cas's arms tightened around Jimmy protectively, as they waited for his reaction.

He watched them for a minute, his expression shifting too quickly to make sense of his feelings. His eyes flicked down to the pile of clothing on the floor, took in their faces, sex-hair, their obviously intimate position. He nodded abruptly.

"Okay," he said. "I'll just be in my room."

"Dean?" Jimmy's voice shook as Dean strode across the room.

"S'cool, man." Dean stopped short when he saw the fear on Jimmy's face. "Really, it's not a problem. Not even that much of a surprise."

Dean grinned as Cas and Jimmy exchanged confused looks. "You guys maybe aren't as subtle as you think you are."

There was a queasy sensation in Jimmy's stomach, as Castiel said, "I don't understand."

Dean shook his head and took a seat in the armchair. "I came to see the house with you when you were thinking about buying it. The single master bedroom upstairs? The one you said you were gonna have renovated into two rooms? Kinda noticed that never happened."

Jimmy looked at Cas, who continued to exude calm, although Jimmy could feel the tension in his muscles.

"Plus, I don't know, just the way you guys act together." Dean shrugged. "I mean, it could be the twin thing, but ... "

"Does everyone know?"

Dean considered the question. "I don't think so. No one's said anything to me. But then again, I never said anything, either. So, if people do know, they don't care. Like I said, it's all cool." He smiled at them and stood up. "Anyway, I'll just let you guys ... I'll be in my room."

Cas and Jimmy let out matching sighs when Dean left the room. "I wasn't expecting that," Cas mused thoughtfully.

Jimmy sat up, the blanket pooling in his lap, trying to ignore the artful drape of Cassie's shirt across his chest. Despite Dean's reassuring words, he couldn't shake the concern. "Cassie?" He looked down the hall where Dean had disappeared.

Cas leaned forward and kissed him. "It's okay, my brother. I really think he's okay with us."

"What if ... ?"

"It's okay." Jimmy nodded, wanting to believe, but how often did life happen that easily?

"Go on and get a shower, Jimmy. I'll clean up here before I come up."

Cas tidied up the living room and locked up. Before heading up the stairs, he dropped by Dean's room, his gentle tap on the door swinging it open. Dean looked up from where he was sitting on the bed, staring blankly at the bedspread.

"Really, Cas? I'm cool with this."

"I believe you." Cas leaned against the doorframe and studied the room. Dean had started putting his own touches to the room, knick knacks on the night table, a couple of framed photos and his BA up on the wall. It was nice to see him getting comfortable.

"If you ever do start to feel uncomfortable, please come talk to me, not to Jimmy."

"Okay. Why?"

"Obviously, our relationship is unconventional, and he's lost friends before because of it. He's very worried about your reaction. You mean a lot to him, to us."

"Why would I have a problem with it, man?" Dean scoffed. "I mean, twins getting it on? It's like I'm living in a Dear Penthouse letter."

Cas drew back as if he'd been slapped. "Dean!" The callousness of the statement was at odds with the slightly forlorn look on Dean's face.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. "Oh fuck, I'm sorry. That was ..." He exhaled in a steady flow. "Listen, can you just trust that I'm okay with it, and I will talk to you if that ever changes, but I don't want to talk about it anymore right now?"

Cas held his gaze for a few seconds, wanting to say something more, even though he wasn't sure what. That 'joke' had come out of nowhere and seemed to indicate that there was something bothering Dean, but he was asking for space. So Cas decided to take him at his word. He nodded. "Okay."

As he turned to go, Dean said, "I really am sorry about what I said. It ... You guys are better than cheap jokes."

"Apology accepted, Dean."

Dean watched him leave and leaned back against the headboard. He lifted his head and let it thunk back once. Why the fuck had he said that? If it had been Jimmy standing there, Dean would have been out on his ass before he could take a breath. Thankfully, Cas was somewhat less likely to hold a grudge or respond out of pure emotion.

"Way to go, Dean," he whispered. He'd finally found a place he felt comfortable, happy even, and then he had to put it all on the line for a stupid-ass defense mechanism. He'd known -- well, okay, he hadn't _known_ but he'd suspected -- about the two of them. He wasn't surprised when he walked in on them so close, so obviously post-coital; he just hadn't expected it to _hurt_ so much. Seeing them like that, he'd felt a sudden ache, an emptiness. He'd thought he had dealt with his feelings for them, but the jealousy seemed to belie that.

He hadn't wanted one or the other of them, though; in that moment, just as increasingly in his fantasies of late, he'd wanted them both. He wanted what they had, and he wanted it with them. And it hurt to think he might never find that. He winced; 'never' was one of his trigger words that he was spiralling into unreasonable thinking. Grumbling, he dragged himself out of bed and over to his desk. _Frickin' mental health is a pain in the ass sometimes_ , he thought as he grabbed his phone and brought a contact and hit Call. It probably wasn't the wisest move to be alone right now, and hanging out with Cas and Jimmy was absolutely out of the question till he got a handle on his emotions.

"Hey Charlie," he said when she picked up. "You feel like some company?"

*****DCJ*****

Jimmy was still concerned when he woke the next morning, worried despite Cas's insistence that Dean was okay with everything. But when he finally dragged himself out of bed, Dean and Cas greeted him with matching smiles before Dean dove right back into his story about his night out with Charlie. Pretty soon, even Jimmy had to admit that maybe this revelation wasn't going to torpedo their friendship, and they all settled back into their normal routine.

Several days later, he sat in his office, stretching aching muscles and rubbing burning eyes. He looked through the window -- now full dark -- and blinked. It had definitely been morning when he sat down to write, but that was the way of inspiration. However, inspiration had spent itself, and bed was calling him with its seductive enticements of sleep and relaxation and cuddling with sleepy Cassie.

But when he opened his office door, he heard the television playing low in the living room. Curious, he headed that way to find Dean sitting in the dark, lit only by the intermittent glow from the screen. He was slumped forward, arms propped on his knees, head in his hands, the very picture of dejection.

Jimmy's heart stuttered in his chest as he watched Dean, momentarily paralyzed with fear, before he pushed through and took a seat on the couch. Dean started and looked over, the pinched look on his face instantly smoothing.

"Can't sleep?" Jimmy asked.

Dean shook his head.

"Whatcha watching?"

Dean looked blankly at the television and huffed a sad laugh. "Not a clue. Just needed the distraction."

"Okay. Maybe I'll be a better distraction. Wanna talk about it?"

"Really don't," Dean said roughly, then winced. "But I probably should anyway, huh?"

Jimmy shrugged. Like he knew. "I hear it helps."

"Nothing to really talk about. I just ... I get anxious sometimes. Can't turn my brain off."

"Anything particular?"

Dean made a face, but sat up, leaning back into the far end of the couch, facing Jimmy. "Got a paper coming due. It's nothing big, just got this voice in my head telling me my approach is useless and pedantic. Like I've got nothing new to offer."

Jimmy was more than familiar with that particular form of self-doubt. It hit more than once with each of his novels. Only Cas's quick action had saved one of them from the fire during a particularly difficult time. But Jimmy's usual method of dealing with self-doubt was to smoke a joint and then tell his critical voice to go fuck itself. With a sigh, he realized that wasn't the best approach here.

"Dean, you trust me, right?"

Dean looked confused, but nodded. "Yeah, man."

"You have a brilliant mind. Your interpretations are insightful and challenging. And your writing, dude, it just bowls me over." Dean stared at the TV, one hand picking at the afghan hanging over the back of the couch. "We all doubt ourselves, that's just part of life. But I can just about guarantee that what you've written is amazing."

He gave a small nod. "Evidence," he muttered.

Jimmy frowned. "What?"

Dean shook his head and smiled wryly. "Just part of my new thinking. Supposed to find evidence for or against the voice in my head. S'kinda hard sometimes when it's really loud."

Jimmy licked his lips. "Was it loud that night?"

Dean's head jerked up. Neither Jimmy nor Cas ever addressed that night directly, not beyond what Dean had shared when he had first reached out to them after. But Jimmy didn't see any reason to let them all keep skirting the issue. If Dean didn't want to talk about it, he could say so.

"Yeah," Dean said softly. "I ... it had been loud for a long time. So long, I didn't really notice. Like this, tonight, I know on one level, it's not a big deal. I've got a good life -- you guys, Sam, school, a job. People would kill to have what I've got. And I just thought I was being ungrateful. Tried to ignore it, just keep on keepin' on, y'know?"

Jimmy nodded.

"I didn't want to die that night. Not ... " Dean sighed, leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "I just wanted it to all stop. Don't even know why I kept those pills of Dad's. Pam thinks I did it on purpose; she's probably right. But I saw 'em and I just thought 'Why not?' It could just be quiet."

"But you called Cas."

A tear spilled down Dean's cheek as he nodded. "Yeah, I did. Moment of clarity or something, I guess. I don't really remember." He swiped at his face and opened his eyes. "I'm not there now, if that's what you're worried about. I'm just ... It doesn't get better overnight."

Jimmy moved over and slid an arm around Dean's shoulders, pulling him close. "I, yeah, I was a little worried when I saw you sitting here. But this, you talking, this is good. Just come get me next time it's too much or something, 'kay?"

"You were writing."

"Fuck writing."

Dean gaped at him.

"No, I mean it, Dean. You're more important than that. If you need me, you say the word, and I'm here. No matter what."

"I don't know what to say."

Jimmy shrugged. "Then don't say anything. It's cool." He flicked his eyes up to the TV where an infomercial host was antagonistically enthusiastic about whatever they were selling. "However, we're changing the channel." He flicked through several channels before settling on an all-night marathon of M*A*S*H.

Somewhere during the second episode, Dean nodded from where he had slumped down against the cushions with half-closed eyes. "Yeah. Thanks, man."

Jimmy's smile had nothing to do with the show.


	5. Chapter 5

It took some time before the twins were at ease with Dean knowing about their relationship. But slowly, they began expressing their affections in front of Dean. It started small -- affectionate smiles, hands lingering on shoulders or backs -- and grew to casual kisses hello or goodbye, and cuddling on the couch during their in-house movie nights. They certainly weren't going to grope each other in front of him, but were very happy to have the freedom to be themselves.

And Dean seemed okay with it. Except, sometimes they would catch something off in his expression -- something sad or wistful.

"He's lonely," Jimmy theorized. "When was the last time he went on a date? Or hell, just got laid?"

And so began the coordinated group effort to set Dean up. Charlie starting inviting new people to Game Night, managing to get Dean at the same table as the new guy or girl each time. Sam called, needing Dean to step in at the last minute on a double date when Jess' friend's date canceled.

They provided amusing distractions for an evening or two, but Dean never asked for their numbers, never went home with them. Jimmy was more than a little ashamed at the relief he felt, especially each time he saw that look on Dean's face.

Then Cas brought Aaron Bass home for dinner.

Aaron worked in the lab at the hospital; he was smart, good-looking, and instantly enamored of Dean. And, this time, it looked like there might be some reciprocal attraction, Jimmy noted with a forced laugh at whatever joke Bass had just told.

That was what they wanted, right? For Dean to find someone who made him laugh, made him feel happy and safe and wanted. That's what Jimmy had with Cas, and it was absolutely what Dean deserved. But as dinner progressed, Jimmy became acutely aware that he wanted to be the one to provide that for Dean, wanted Dean to be a part of their jokes and their cuddles, wanted him in their bed. He did not want to sit at a table watching some guy making moon eyes at Dean, or watching Dean blush adorably in response.

And it was only because he was a glutton for punishment that he found himself lingering in the living room when Dean walked Bass to the door later that evening.

"I'm really glad Castiel invited me over, Dean." Bass sounded so disgustingly charming that Jimmy wanted to puke. "Maybe we could do this again, just the two of us?"

Jimmy held his breath. This was it. Based on everything he'd seen over dinner, there was no way Dean would say ...

"I'm sorry, man, but I don't think it would work out. I'm ... " Dean gave a nervous chuckle. "I'm kinda interested in someone else."

"Oh. Castiel said you were unattached."

"Yeah, it's ... complicated. But I just don't think it would be fair to you right now."

There was a beat of silence. Jimmy kind of hated how happy he felt at the moment, even as he was wracking his brain to figure out who the hell Dean was interested in.

"Well, if you ever change your mind, here's my number."

Jimmy started moving at the sound of the door opening. He quickly joined Cas in the kitchen, ignoring his brother's disapproving look.

"Well, is your curiosity satisfied?"

"Yes and no," Jimmy answered. "He's not interested in Bass. Or more accurately, he's more interested in someone else."

Cas dried his hands and then wrapped his arms loosely around Jimmy. He lowered his voice to keep Dean from overhearing. "We can't just keep him like a pet, Brother. If he wants more, when he's ready ... It won't be easy for either of us, but ... "

Cupping Jimmy's face, Cas kissed him, smiling as Jimmy's tongue pressed against his lips insistently. At least he'd always have this, he thought, sinking into the familiar play of tongues and lips. He wrapped his arms around Cas and laid his head on Cas's shoulder. As he did so, he caught sight of Dean standing frozen a few feet away, body tense, lower lip trapped under his teeth. He stepped back when he saw Jimmy notice him.

"Hey Dean," Jimmy said to alert Cas -- who was still hungrily mouthing at Jimmy's jaw, still holding their bodies pressed tightly together -- to their audience. A second later, Cas loosened his hold and looked over at Dean. His eyes were shining and his face was flushed, but he frowned in concern when he saw Dean's expression. Without a word, the twins separated, each leaning back against the counter.

"Dean, is everything okay?" Cas asked.

Dean pulled a hand across his mouth. "Yeah, everything's ... fine. Listen, I know you all mean well with the fix-ups and whatnot, but can we not do that? It's just ... not the right time."

"Because you're interested in someone else?" Jimmy asked. "Just tell us who, we'll make it happen, dude." And he would. It might hurt like hell to see Dean with someone else, but seeing him lonely -- Jimmy would do anything to anything get that look off his face.

Dean's eyes widened, bouncing between Cas and Jimmy. "You heard?"

"A bit," Jimmy admitted sheepishly.

Dean's cheeks were red. "It was just a line, way to make the guy feel okay about the brush-off. There's no one."

"Come on, Dean. Who can you tell, if not your best buds?" Jimmy persisted.

Cas put a hand on Jimmy's arm, thumb stroking slow lines along his wrist. "Jimmy, lay off," he said firmly.

Jimmy looked at Cas, who stared at him pointedly. _I know what I'm doing_ , it said. Or maybe, _Don't be a brat._ He shrugged. "Yeah, okay. It's still early, though. Anyone up for a movie?"

It was Dean's turn to pick the movie, and he surprisingly eschewed his usual Harrison Ford flicks for _The Princess Bride_. Cas made some popcorn and they settled in -- Cas and Jimmy on the couch, and Dean in his new usual spot in the armchair opposite the end the twins tended to gravitate toward.

 _The Princess Bride_ was a favorite in their house, and the subject of many a quote-along battle between Dean and Jimmy. Cas even occasionally joined in -- he did a surprisingly good Miracle Max -- but this night he barely paid attention to the movie, choosing to pay attention to Jimmy instead. He pulled his twin close, pressing little kisses into his hair, stroking his hand along Jimmy's shoulders and arms.

Dean was unusually quiet while the movie played, fidgeting in his chair, and so pointedly not watching the two of them, it was obvious he knew exactly what they were doing. Jimmy glared at Cas, who just chuckled and ran a finger down Jimmy's nose before tracing his lips with lingering strokes. Cas's eyes flicked up to where Dean was studiously watching Buttercup throw herself down the hill after Westley. Not long after, Dean grabbed the remote and hit pause.

"Gotta hit the head," he muttered and practically fled the room. Cas tilted his head assessingly as he watched him leave.

"Cassie," Jimmy hissed. "What the hell? Can't you see you're making him uncomfortable?"

"Mmhmmm. I was testing a theory."

"Jesus, Cas. He's not a lab rat." Jimmy tried to pull away, but Cas didn't let go.

"Don't you want to know my theory?"

"Is it that you've turned into an asshole and enjoy taunting our single friend with our relationship?"

Cas winced. "I ... well no. Not on purpose anyway. But I've been watching Dean tonight, thinking about other nights. You know, Dean doesn't get flustered around Sam and Jess? Or Charlie and Gilda? It's just us."

Jimmy looked at Cas, trying to figure out if what he was saying was true, and what the implications of that would be. "Well shit. Maybe he's not as cool with the incest thing as he said. But he's trying," he protested before Cas could say anything. "And deliberately freaking him out isn't going to help."

"I don't think he's freaked out, Jimmy. I think he's jealous."

"Jealous?" Jimmy asked. "Of you or of me?" He frowned, not really sure which answer he'd prefer. Or rather, sure that the answer he'd prefer was not on the menu.

Cas leaned into Jimmy's space, his breath hot against Jimmy's lips, his eyes wide and dark. "Both of us."

Jimmy couldn't speak, couldn't breathe.

"I think there's a very good chance he's hiding in the bathroom right now, trying to tame a hard-on, wishing we were both helping him deal with it."

Jimmy swallowed at the image Cas painted: Dean, driven to distraction just by their (mostly) innocent interaction. He groaned against Cassie's lips, his eyes pleading, hoping, begging for it to be true. "Would you?" he whispered through a dry mouth. "Could we?"

"Watch him when he comes back," Cas instructed before crashing their mouths together, his tongue dominating Jimmy's mouth as he kissed him like there was no tomorrow. They heard Dean's footsteps in the hall, but Cas waited several extra seconds before disengaging, ensuring that Dean was in the room when they pulled back, flushed and panting. Dean strode past them and took his seat without a word.

Dean tried to focus on the movie, but all the relief that had come from splashing cold water on his face was undone the instant he walked in on Jimmy and Cas in full lip-lock. It was more than they had done in front of him before, but it was still pretty much PG-rated. And Dean was eternally grateful for that, because if he got that worked up over the PG version, he just might explode if they went hard-R.

All the same, he couldn't take his eyes off them, following their gentle, familiar touches and sweet smiles. And he couldn't help imagining -- wanting -- being the object of those looks, being free to touch, caress, hold. But he couldn't. He wouldn't do that to them.

He glanced over again, only to swing his eyes back to the TV when he saw Jimmy looking at him thoughtfully. Almost immediately though, he felt drawn back to them, sneaking a glance out of the corner of his eye to find them sharing one of their twin 'talking without words' conversations, Jimmy curled in Cas's arms, faces nearly touching as they stared at each other.

Dean shifted in his chair, carefully angling his hips away from their line of sight. He managed to watch a whole two minutes of the movie before his mind refocused on the twins. Maybe he should move back to his apartment. Things with Sam had gotten a lot better, and this -- he bit his lip when he saw Jimmy's tongue trace Cas's lips -- this was verging on torture. Blissful, aching, critically-blue-balls torture.

They'd probably been hoping that he'd hit if off with Aaron, maybe go out after dinner to leave them some alone time. Aaron was a nice guy, and any other time, Dean would totally have gone for it. But lately, he'd been too preoccupied with thoughts of Cas and Jimmy to even think about looking for a relationship.

How long had they been hiding their relationship? He wasn't sure, but he guessed that it actually predated his friendship with them. So how many movies had they sat here and watched with him and policed their interactions? And now it was on him, to allow them the freedom to be themselves and not interfere. But what if he did? What if ... they wouldn't turn him away just for suggesting that maybe he could find some small place with them.

Did he even have the right to make that suggestion?

And there was no one he could go to for advice. Usually it would be Jimmy, maybe Cas, but they were obviously out. He didn't dare talk to Pam about it; confidentiality or not, she and Cas were professional colleagues, and he wouldn't take that kind of chance with Cas's career. He'd almost talked to Charlie about it the night he'd found out for sure. It just didn't feel like his secret to tell.

"Earth to Dean." Jimmy's voice broke through his thoughts. When Dean looked over, he saw both Jimmy and Cas looking at him with matching looks of amusement. Onscreen, the Impressive Clergyman was extolling the virtues of mawwage.

"Sorry, guess I'm a little spaced tonight."

"Something distracting you?" Cas's voice was slightly huskier than normal, making Dean's breath catch in his chest.

Jimmy smirked, his eyes boring into Dean's. "Oh Cassie, you know you're damn distracting. The question is does Dean want to be distracted?"

"What?"

Jimmy looked back at Cas and nodded. Cas nodded in return. They both sat up a little straighter. Jimmy smiled at Dean. "Care to join us?"

"What?!" Dean repeated.

Jimmy nodded to the small section of the couch that was empty. "Oh, okay." Of course, that's what they meant. Although, why they wanted to get all three of them squishing onto the couch for the last 15 minutes of the movie was a mystery. "Probably best if I just stay over here."

Cas tsked at Jimmy and pushed at him until he moved to the other end of the couch with a pout. Cas turned to Dean with a cautious smile. "Dean, there's something we'd like to talk to you about."

Dean blew out a soft breath. Well, them asking him to leave could make things simpler. And it was better to have a definite answer than to keep dreaming about maybes and what-ifs. He forced a smile and leaned back. "What's up?"

"I suppose it's obvious that Jimmy and I don't really have a problem with unconventional relationships," Cas started with a wry grin. Jimmy snickered, and Dean nodded. "Yes, well, there's certainly some historical context that we'd have no problem sharing with you, but that might be cumbersome to go into at this moment."

Dean looked to Jimmy, confused; Cas was usually much more direct. Jimmy was staring at his brother in consternation. Jimmy held up a hand to Cas, and turned to Dean. "What Cas might be trying to say -- unless he's just trying to deplete the dictionary for the fun of it -- is that we kind of ... We wanted to ask you ... " He looked back at Cas again. "Okay, this is a little harder than I thought it would be."

"It's okay, guys. No hard feelings. Give me a day to get my stuff together, and I'll be out of your hair."

"What? No!" Their voices overlapped, and Jimmy surged up off the couch as if to physically stop Dean from leaving.

"We don't want you to leave," Jimmy explained urgently. "We want to know if you're down for a threesome."

Dean gaped as his mind tried to catch up with what it had just heard. All the words were clear, but they just didn't make sense.

"I was trying to ease him into the idea, Jimmy," Cas commented.

Jimmy shrugged. "He was gonna leave." He sat down on the couch with a ‘whumpf.’

"And I see there was really no other way to ask him to wait."

"Well, it worked, didn't it?"

Cas indicated Dean still sitting silently, eyes following their conversation. "I think you might have broken him."

Jimmy grimaced.

Dean suddenly found his voice. "Wait. Threesome?"

They nodded cautiously.

"But ... the two of you?"

"... Would be two of the three," Jimmy replied with a smirk.

His heart beat erratically. "And the third?"

"We would like you to be third, Dean. We would like you to come to bed with us. And maybe more?" Cas added hopefully.

Dean stared between them, unable to say anything. Cas and Jimmy had just casually offered him everything he'd been thinking about, everything he'd been wanting for so long. Well, maybe not casually; he noted Jimmy's furrowed brow, the way Cas quietly reached for Jimmy's hand and held it tightly as they waited.

"You really want this?" They nodded. "You want me?" He was having a hard time wrapping his head around it; this was a dream, a fantasy, but could never be reality. Things just didn't work that way for him. Dean Winchester got by, got 'good enough.' He didn't get the dream. And he was okay with that, he really was. But to have it dangled right there in front of him ...

A strange feeling danced in his chest.

"How long?" His tongue felt clumsy in his mouth as he spoke, but he had to know going in. Because if this was real, there was no way he was saying no, but he had to hear them say 'just for the night.' That would make sense: a game, a kink, a bit of fun. And he could do that. Hell, it would be amazing, as long as they could stay friends after the night, and Dean would have awesome, hot memories to draw on for the rest of his life. That would be good enough.

Jimmy knelt on the floor in front of Dean, looking up at him earnestly. "How long would really be kind of up to you." He glanced over at Cas, who nodded. "We want you, Dean. Not just for the night, or a weekend. We want you. With us. Dating."

"You never said anything ... "

Dean shivered when he felt Cas's hand rest on his neck, warm and solid. "We never really thought it was an option. It was just something we sometimes talked about, dreamed about. And we may be moving too fast, so if you want some time to think, that's fine. If you don't want this, that's fine, too."

Jimmy didn't quite suppress a quiet whine at the thought of Dean saying no. Dean slowly reached out to touch Jimmy's stubbled jaw. Jimmy nuzzled into his hand, breath moist against Dean's skin. Dean shivered. He looked at Cas.

"Talk about never thinking it was an option. I ... " Dean gasped when he felt Jimmy's lips against his palm.

Cas's other hand pet his Jimmy's hair. "Don't push, brother."

"Not pushing," Dean said softly, his eyes fixed on Cas's, his fingers still stroking Jimmy's face. "I ... want this. I'm just ... " _overwhelmed, it's too much, too good, selfish and scary and just for me, just for us_.

Jimmy laid his head on Dean's thigh, smiling sweetly up at him. Cas gently moved his thumb along the nape of Dean's neck. "Why don't we sleep on it?"

As much as the thought of jumping full-speed into this new phase of their friendship ( _relationship?_ ) scared him, the thought of separating from them caused a black hole of pain in the pit of his stomach. Before he could even draw in that first anxious breath, Jimmy was standing, Dean's hands held tightly in his, tugging him up to his feet.

"Come sleep in our bed," he said. Dean nodded.

Somehow, they made their way upstairs in a haze of soft touches and gentle voices. They stripped down to boxers (at least Cas and Dean did, Jimmy was unapologetically commando) and slipped into bed, Jimmy and Cas tucking Dean between them, holding him like he was something rare and precious and wanted. There were soft kisses on his face and shoulders, full of comfort and love and maybe the slightest hint of something more carnal. But before he could pursue it, there was sleep.

*****DCJ*****

Dean was warm and comfortable when he woke. It was the soft murmur of the twins' voices that had woken him, although his brain hadn't been up to figuring out the words. They weren't speaking now, and they weren't lying down, although he could still feel them on either side of him.

He slowly blinked his eyes open and was immediately stunned into silence at the image of the two of them leaning across him into the dirtiest, messiest, hottest kiss he'd ever seen.

"Either I'm having the best dream ever, or I've died and gone to Heaven."

They pulled away from each other and looked down at him with matching lascivious smiles. Jimmy immediately leaned down to kiss Dean, his lips still wet with Cas's saliva. Dean licked at the combined taste of the two with fervor.

Above them, Cas chuckled. "You haven't felt Heaven, Dean, until you've had Jimmy's mouth on your cock."

"Oh fuck yeah."

Dean wasn't actually sure if he or Jimmy had said it, but from the glint in Jimmy's eyes, they were sure as hell both feeling it.

"No time like the present," Jimmy said as he rearranged himself, leaving soft kisses and licks along Dean's chest and abs. Cas scooted down far enough to pull Dean's boxers down and off his legs before sitting back to enjoy the show. Dean was torn between watching Jimmy's full lips getting nearer and nearer to his cock, and watching Cas watch them, his eyes dark with lust. But when Jimmy's mouth engulfed him in one smooth, perfect motion, it demanded all of Dean's attention.

"Fuck, oh fuck," Dean panted, his cock going from kinda-hard to pound-nails in a matter of seconds as Jimmy worked him. Dean threw his head back, closed his eyes, and just held on for the ride. Jimmy's default seemed set to deepthroat, and Dean wasn't sure how long he could last. Especially not with Cas's lips brushing his ear, whispering to him.

"This is even hotter than I thought it would be." Teeth gently tugged at his earlobe, while Jimmy's tongue worked down the length of his shaft. "Your dick stretches his lips so beautifully."

Blindly, Dean groped down to Jimmy's head. He almost came on the spot when he found Cas's fingers already twined through the soft strands, pushing and guiding Jimmy's motions.

"Stop!" Dean gasped. "Don't wanna come yet."

Jimmy pulled off with a slurp. He looked at Dean with glazed eyes. "Please?"

He'd barely gotten the word before Cas dove toward his lips. "Let me taste him," he demanded roughly, licking and biting and moaning into Jimmy's mouth. "So good."

"Hell yeah," Dean echoed as he watched them. "Can I ... " They looked at him, and he fell silent. He didn't have a rulebook for this, didn't know what he could do or say, how far he could push.

"You want something, Dean?" Cas asked.

"Just say it, dude. Whatever you want."

"I ... you two ... " Hands stroked his thighs, smoothed over his hips. They were both looking at him with love and patience. He could barely think, he was so turned on, so overwhelmed. He wanted to touch, to taste, to feel them on him, in him, around him. He wanted everything all at once.

Cas trailed a finger down Jimmy's chest, his hungry gaze never leaving Dean. His thumb rubbed at Jimmy's nipple, eliciting a happy moan from Jimmy and a sharp inhale from Dean.

"Hey Dean," he said, closing his fingers and pinching Jimmy's sensitive skin until he was wriggling in delight. "How would you like to watch me fuck my brother?"

Dean nodded, not trusting himself to make actual words at the moment.

And if he'd thought their earlier kiss was dirty, he quickly realized he was going to have to redefine the scale. There was no tenderness, no gentle touches; there was just passion and need and lust demanding to be sated.

Jimmy was so responsive to each touch, each breath, pliant beneath his brother. The two made short work of foreplay -- too worked up to drag it out -- and Cas was already working two fingers into Jimmy as they stretched out beside Dean. Jimmy's eyes locked on his, pleasure clouded, but focused.

"You're so beautiful," Dean murmured, capturing Jimmy's mouth with a kiss, not pulling away until Cas touched his shoulder.

"Watch this."

Dean rested his hand on Jimmy's thigh, now pressed against his chest and held in place by Cas's hands. He watched Cas line his cock up and push into Jimmy's hole in one long, slow motion. Jimmy was chanting, "yes, yes, yes," reaching out, hands finding Cas's hip, Dean's hand and hanging on as Cas started steadily thrusting.

Dean ran his free hand down Cas's chest, across his abdomen, feeling the muscles flex beneath the skin. He stared at Cas's cock moving in and out of Jimmy again and again.

"This is so fucking hot." Dean nearly laughed with joy. He was so hard, he was aching with need, but at the same time, he was perfectly content just to watch them. Cas was really driving into Jimmy -- hard and sharp and fast -- Jimmy's sustained moan stuttering each time Cas bottomed out.

"Dean." Cas looked hungrily at him as he continued fucking into Jimmy. He grabbed Dean's cock, sliding his fist loosely along the shaft, at the same time he changed the angle of his thrusts. Jimmy bucked up against him eagerly.

Dean swallowed, overwhelmed with a sudden surge of arousal.

"Fuck me, Dean."

There was no way this was really happening. The idea of pushing into Cas, of fucking him into Jimmy ... Dean licked his lips.

Cas continued. "I want to feel you inside me while I'm inside Jimmy."

Jimmy's moans suddenly increased in volume, his body stretched taut, and he came white and warm and sticky onto his belly. Dean stared at him; in that moment, he was easily one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

Cas's motion paused while Jimmy rode out his orgasm. Once the initial surge had passed, Cas started moving again -- hips swiveling in small, relaxed circles. He cocked an eyebrow at Dean, waiting.

"So?"

Dean's mind was still blanked by Jimmy's orgasm, and for a moment, he was unable to figure out what the hell Cas was asking. _Right. Fucking Cas. That would be just ... awesome. Perfect. Okay. Say yes._ But Dean hated having anything in him after he came, and ...

"But Jimmy -- "

"Is good to go for quite a while after first orgasm."

Jimmy's wanton moan as Cas ground into him was a definite sign that Cas was right.

"I don't know how long I'll last, man," Dean protested, suddenly worried. The twins knew each other so well, years of experience learning every hot spot, every turn-off, how to draw the most pleasure out of the experience. How the hell was Dean supposed to fit into this picture?

Cas awkwardly leaned over and planted a kiss at the corner of Dean's mouth. He pressed the bottle of lube into Dean's hand.

"I'm definitely not gonna last. No one's judging. But I really, really wanna feel this -- " His fingers left fiery tingles along Dean's cock. " -- inside me for however long we can manage it."

And then Dean was kneeling behind Cas, running his hands over that awesome ass, trailing his thumb down the crack. Cas's breath hitched as Dean softly pet the puckered skin, spreading lube and slowly increasing the pressure. He groaned as Dean's fingertip breached the muscle.

"Damn, Cas, you're really tight."

"Yeah," he panted. "Don't get this a whole lot. Not really Jimmy's thing."

Dean pushed a little further, shivering when Cas let out a breathy moan.

"Fuck, Dean. More. Not gonna break."

Despite Cas's insistence, Dean still took his time, prepping him thoroughly. If Cas didn't get this a lot, he was going to make it as good as it got. As Cas's thrusts slowly brought Jimmy's dick back to hardness, Dean worked his way up to three fingers stretching Cas's muscles. Jimmy watched through half-open eyes, occasionally reaching out to play with Cas's nipples or run his hands along his thighs.

"I'm ready," Cas growled. "Damnit, I'm ready, already."

Dean chuckled and bit down on Cas's shoulder. "Kinda demanding, aren't you?"

"You have no idea." Cas had lowered his voice, pitching it at a range obviously designed to send thrills through whoever was lucky enough to hear it. "So get your dick in me. Now."

There was no way Dean was resisting that voice. No way he'd want to. He grabbed the lube to slick himself up.

"Condom!" he said, trying desperately to remember if he even had one in his pants, which were all the way across the room anyway.

Cas shot him an annoyed look. "We don't need -- " He trailed when Dean narrowed his eyes. "Right, conversation for later. Okay." He looked around as if a condom would just appear on the bed next to them.

"Jimmy, where the fuck do you keep your condoms?" Cas asked urgently.

"You two are hilarious," Jimmy muttered. "Right on the fucking night table. I put a couple there last night. Hope springs eternal and all that shit. Can we get back to the fucking now?"

Dean scrambled over and grabbed one of the packets, opening it and covering himself in record time. He took a deep breath to steady himself, to keep himself from rushing and hurting Cas as he lined up and pushed in to the sound of Cas's pleasured groan. Slowly, gently, he rocked himself deeper into Cas, gritting his teeth against the amazing heat and pressure, needing this to last longer than just a few seconds.

He felt a hand brush his arm and looked over Cas's shoulder to see Jimmy watching them, his pupils blown wide, tongue trapped between his teeth.

"Ready?" he whispered.

Jimmy nodded, and Cas lowered himself closer to Jimmy, shifting his hips back as far as he could against Dean.

Dean experimentally thrust his hips forward, pushing Cas back into Jimmy. Both twins gasped, harsh inhalations echoing each other. Cas pulled out a bit, forcing Dean back before they pushed in again.

It took a few attempts to get the timing right, but soon enough Dean was fucking Cas rhythmically into Jimmy; the sound of the bed jolting against the wall lost beneath the various grunts and moans and curses.

It was so good. Dean couldn't get over the fact that he was fucking both of them, Cas acting as a proxy, an extension of himself. It was too good, he realized as he leaned down to lick at the sweat-salty skin of Cas's back, and felt the warning twinge in his balls. Before he could do anything, Cas came, babbling a mixture of Dean's and Jimmy's names as he tightened around Dean's cock, rocketing Dean's orgasm into high gear. As Dean passed the peak, he could hear Jimmy's cries of pleasure.

Slowly, carefully, they disentangled themselves, managed to get somewhat cleaned up, and the condom off Dean (he wasn't really sure where it had disappeared to because no one actually left the bed, but hey, it was their room). They lay in a sweaty, tangled heap, and Dean wasn't sure whose limbs were whose, and it was perfect.

"Nah, you know what would make this perfect?" Jimmy spoke up.

"Did I say that out loud?"

"One of those Dean Winchester celebratory breakfasts."

Dean poked at Jimmy.

"Hey!" Cas grumbled.

Oops. Dean found the other torso and poked that.

"Don't be all like that," Jimmy said. "You make a damn good breakfast. I'm just sayin' ... There's perfect, and then there's _perfect_."

Dean laughed. "Okay, sure. I'll get right on that." He made a half-hearted attempt to attain a sitting position, but two pairs of arms dragged him back down.

"On the other hand," Jimmy mused, his mouth exploring Dean's neck. "I suppose breakfast can wait."

~fin~


	6. Epilogue

The party was in full swing, everyone crowded into Cas and Jimmy's to wish Sam and Jess a fond farewell before they headed to New York. _My place too,_ Dean reminded himself with a start. It hadn't taken the twins long to extend the invitation to make Dean's presence permanent, but sometimes it still caught him by surprise. He packed the thought away to examine later; this night was for Sammy.

Speaking of whom ... The Sasquatch was currently heading in Dean's direction, a very focused expression on his face. He grabbed Dean's arm and pulled him toward the kitchen.

"Something on your mind, Sammy?" Dean grinned at Sam's epic bitch face.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Dean? It's Sam."

"Yeah, yeah. You may be off to Big Lawyer School, Mr. Samuel Winchester, Esquire, but you will always be Sammy to me."

Sam leaned against the counter and shook his head. "Which just makes what I'm about to say all the more insane."

Dean studied him. He didn't see Sam nervous much these days, but the kid was all but wringing his hands.

"What? You change your mind about school?" Sam shook his head. Of course not, Dean couldn't be that lucky. Not that he wasn't proud of Sam, and he'd come a long way toward making his peace with Sam leaving, but he wouldn't really be all that upset if Sam had decided to just stay around Kansas.

"Okay, then, what? You got a parking ticket, racked up too many fines at the library? Dinged Baby's paint job when you ran out for food earlier? Oh shit, man, what'd you do to my car?"

"It's not your car!" Sam held his hands up, proclaiming his innocence.

"You promise?"

"Yes, Dean, the car is fine. And if you'd stop being an ass for thirty seconds, I'll tell you."

"Shutting up," Dean said, trying to calm his racing heart. No matter what Sam said, he was still going to duck outside first chance he got to check on the Impala.

"Yeah, okay. So, we're gonna make an announcement in a couple of minutes, but I wanted to tell you first." Sam's face beamed with pride as he said, "I asked Jess to marry me."

"Marry you?" Sam nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "And she said yes?"

"What? Yes, she said yes. We're getting married."

Dean let out a whoop of excitement and grabbed Sam, hugging him tightly. "Man, that's just ... that's awesome. Congratulations."

Sam squeezed Dean, then let go. "So, uh, we don't have a date or really any plans yet, but I was kinda hoping you'd be my Best Man?"

Dean was finding it a little hard to speak past the sudden lump in his throat. He nodded and swallowed and forced his voice to work. "Nothin' I'd rather do, Sammy."

Sam swept him back into a hug, nearly crushing him in his gigantor arms, then disappeared. Dean stood in the kitchen, nursing a beer, and listened as Sam and Jess excitedly announced their engagement, followed by hoots and applause from everyone else. A couple minutes later, Cas and Jimmy came in, leaning against the counter on either side of him. He could feel them examining him.

"Big news, huh?" Jimmy said.

"Yeah," Dean answered, taking a long pull on his beer.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked.

Good question. Sammy was moving, getting married; there was really no guarantee he'd ever move back here at all. He was going to start his own family, his own life, and Dean was happily startled to realize that he was okay with that. Mostly.

He shrugged and nodded. "Yeah. I think I am."

Twin kisses pressed against his cheeks, and Jimmy murmured, "We know you are."

Dean slid his arms around both of them, and they stayed there, faces close enough that he could feel their breath. He needed to get back out there and congratulate Jess, make sure everyone was having a good time. And they were severely pushing the limits of what could be easily explained away should anyone look into the kitchen, but for just a moment, he'd let himself indulge in the comfort and support Cas and Jimmy provided.

Because this was his life and his family.

He smiled.

"Yeah, we really are."

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come chat at me on [tumblr](http://magickmoons.tumblr.com/).


End file.
